What I enjoyed about our UAS reunion

This past weekend I saw some friends from my teen years that I hadn’t seen in almost forty years—thirty-eight to be exact.  Growing up in Uruguay, I graduated with ten other students but was a part of a high school body of around fifty.  We were from all over the world including Israel, Korea, Brazil and the United States.   Every few years now students from the late 70’s and early 80’s get together for a reunion.  This was my first one so I wanted to share with you three things I truly enjoyed from our time together.

I really enjoyed hearing the life stories and what had happened to people over the last few decades.  My best friend in high school was a man named David and we got to spend a few hours Saturday afternoon catching up thirty-eight years.  Two hours later, after meeting his wife and hearing about his two sons and one grandson born that very day, I had a better picture of what happened after we left Uruguay.  What I still can’t figure out is why we let our friendship slip away all those years ago.

I heard some joy-filled stories of life blessings.  Children who had done well, careers that had flourished.  But I heard some sad ones as well-- one of my friends had lost their spouse in death, early and unexpectedly.  Another had lost a job she had held for thirty years.  So it was a lot to take in, and obviously it was a bit superficial, but what I learned seemed to shrink the years between then and now.

I really enjoyed reminiscing about the past.  It’s hard to believe all the memories that are jarred loose by seeing friends from one’s early years.  Friday night Lauri spent some time reading to us from the UAS high school newspapers.  She even had a sign-up sheet from the school prom and there was my name scribbled in my poor penmanship-- I know that list was every bit of forty years old.

I was reminded of how seniors Geoff, Jay, Tony and Casey would whoop up on us freshmen in basketball.  Geoff seemed to have memories of me being good, which I was glad to hear, but he’s older than me and I think on that one his memory is a bit off.  I tried hard but that’s really different than being good!

We remembered teachers who poured into us, taught us and encouraged us.  Mary, Rosario, Juanita, Joe and Don just to name of few.  “Do you remember…” was a common phrase I heard throughout the evening.

There was one more thing I really enjoyed.  It’s hard to put into words but I truly appreciated the bond I shared with these friends because of the years we spent together in our adopted country.   As an American growing up in a different land, we experienced and received so much.  We’re bilingual and bicultural.  We fit in here and we fit in there.   That experience of life in Latin America bonded our hearts together in a way I don’t know how to explain unless you’ve experienced it.  The truth is we are all so different.  We have different jobs, live in different states, and have different worldviews but there is a bond we share that will never go away and in some way knits our hearts together.   From the moment I first saw Randy on Friday evening until I said good night to everyone on Saturday, I relished in that bond we share.

Thank you Lauri for putting this together and for inviting me.  Maybe in a few years we can do it again.

"I HATE OBAMA," said the Christian!

I am one who considers himself a follower of Jesus.  Many would call me an evangelical because I believe the Bible to be true and what it shares really good news.  But that’s not the point of this article—just the perspective from which I write.

I’m writing about something I see often in the circles I find myself—I’m calling it, “Obama hatred.”   Since I’m talking about Christian circles, you’d think that hatred would not be known among us but I hear it too often in simple comments about our President and I see it in contorted countenances as people describe their vehement hostility toward the man.   It’s not uncommon to hear and read disparaging remarks about his character, motives and intentions from professing Christians.

So I’m writing this primarily for people who claim to follow Jesus.  Let me tell you three things I know about President Obama; three things that I believe he’d absolutely agree with and we need to be reminded of.

President Obama has a different worldview than we Bible-believing Christians.  That’s important to understand.  We believe that truth and perspective come from God’s revelation; I would imagine that he sees truth coming from human reason and societal consensus, but definitely not from the Bible.

What our President has done he’s done because he believes his worldview is right and the best.  In other words, his motives aren’t to destroy America but to make her better from his perspective.  Obviously that doesn’t make him right and that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to stop the moral and cultural shift that’s happening in our land, but we need to recognize that he’s merely leading from the standpoint of his worldview.

President Obama does not stand by himself in his worldview as twice now the America people have voted him into office.  This is important.  He’s our President and he’s our leader, but he’s just one man.  The hatred I’ve seen from some comes because they blame him for the shift that’s happened in our country but he’s merely the leader of a worldview that many Americans now share.

So if you are a follower of Christ, and you find yourself hating President Obama, I want to challenge that hatred and encourage you to change your heart.  Let me give you three reasons why.

The heart of Jesus

Did you know that Jesus loves our President?  He died for him.  God includes him in the  “whosever will may come" words of John chapter three.   Not only does Jesus not hate President Obama, His great love for him led Jesus to die for him—even as Jesus also died for you and me.

The example of Jesus

You’ll look long and hard for an example of Jesus hating Caesar or even the High Priest for that matter.  If our Savior wouldn’t hate the political leaders of His day, what makes us think He wants us to hate our political leaders?  Not to mention that on the very day those political leaders were killing him, he was praying “Father forgive them.”

The words of Jesus

It was to a big crowd that Jesus spoke these words: “You’ve heard it said, ‘Hate your enemies’ but I say to you, love your enemies and do good to those who despise you.”  Wow--love your enemies.  Jesus was clear, so why do we think we have a right to hate our president, even if his worldview and leadership are so different than ours?

Ok, “I see it,” you say.  “Hating our President is not an option for the one who follows Jesus.”  But what should I do?  Do I have to stand idly by and do nothing as I watch our President lead us into a cultural change that I believe is very wrong for America?”   Of course not!  As an American you have every right to participate in the political process and you should.  When God calls us to submit to our government, as part of a democratic republic I have an obligation, even a duty, to participate.  I should speak the truth in love.  I should hold up a better alternative then the one provided by a secular worldview.

But as a Christ follower my greatest allegiance is to Jesus, and He says I should respect those in authority.  More specifically, the Bible tells us to pray for them  (1 Tim. 2).  Instead of hating President Obama and denigrating him with our words, we should uphold him in prayers.  We should pray for his leadership.  Pray for his wife and girls.  Pray and ask God to work through him and in him.  Jesus told us to do good to our enemies, so find ways to bless the President rather than destroy him with your words.  In your heart separate President Obama, the man whom God loves, from the ideology and worldview that guides his leadership.   Labor against his philosophy and policies but ask God to give you an extraordinary love for the man himself.  

Baptism: What are you waiting for?

When I first became a pastor I remember many of the young people who spoke to me about being baptized did so at their parent’s instigation.  I’d be excited until I’d find out that mom or dad told them to “join the church.”   When I’d talk to them they had no clear understanding of what it meant to trust in Christ and even less about the meaning and purpose of baptism.

But today I’ve noticed a different trend; more and more believers, true Christians, are looking at baptism with a “take it or leave it attitude.”  Maybe that’s you.  You’ve understood the gospel; you’ve trusted in Christ and in most areas of your life you seek to follow Jesus but you really don’t understand why baptism is so important.

Let me give you four reasons you should submit to Biblical baptism.

You should be baptized because it’s a picture of the grace that God has given you in Jesus.  

I can’t prove this but I think Paul wrote Romans 6:3-4 after watching a water baptism.  “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.”  As he watched a person being baptized in the river it pictured for him the believer dying with Christ, being buried with Christ and rising with Christ.  You should be baptized so as to picture for others what God’s love and grace has done for you.

You should be baptized because it’s speaks to your love and commitment to Jesus.

My wedding band doesn’t make me married but it testifies to the reality that I am.  It speaks to a loving and committed relationship with my wife.   It doesn’t make me married but it is a witness to that marriage.   In the same way baptism doesn’t bring you into a relationship with Jesus but it’s a testimony to others that we have one.  You need to witness to your relationship.

You should be baptized because Jesus modeled it.  

Why did Jesus get baptized?  He didn’t need to as a symbol of repentance or cleansing from sin—He was sinless and perfect.  John the Baptist didn’t even want to baptize Jesus.  “You should baptize me!”, he argued with Jesus.  So why; why did Jesus submit to baptism?  It must be that He wanted to model for us the importance of this outward symbol.   If Jesus would see baptism as this important, so should we.   We follow Him. 

Jesus commanded us to.

I hated to pull this card on you, but this really is the only reason we need to submit to baptism—Jesus told us to.  “Go and make disciples of all the ethnic groups, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,” Jesus said.  Did you catch that?  Baptize them.   And why this command to be baptized?  It was probably because of the previous three reasons we just mentioned.

So have you trusted Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins?  Are you a follower of Christ?  The I ask you, have you been baptized?  Why not?  It’s time.

Parenting Adult Children

Last week Anne and I had a really sad day.  On Monday we both left for work and came home to an empty house.  Not that we didn’t come home to an empty home many days but this was different.  The last of our six children had packed her car and left for college.  What was amazing was she left us some notes expressing love and appreciation that made us cry.  I read them first so I knew what was coming for Anne when she got home.  Then on Wednesday we drove to Liberty University and helped her move into her dorm.  There was definitely a solemnity on the drive home.  Things have changed—it's already different.

I had the privilege of raising six children.  I remember vividly towing six little ones behind us everywhere we went, including all the needed childhood paraphernalia like strollers and portacribs, and longing for the day they were older.  But nothing prepared me for the difficulty of the years to come.  I no longer had to carry them in my arms but the emotional burden I took on for each of them was enormously harder.

It’s been a decade since I began to parent adults and now they are all in that category.  I’m far from being an expert but I have learned a few things as my parenting has shifted in this new stage of life.  Maybe they will encourage you.

You can’t!  The first and maybe most important thing I learned was that I couldn’t parent adults.  There comes a time in the lives of our kids when they come from under our control and leadership and they spread their own wings.  If I continue to try to parent them from the position of authority and power that I’ve used until then, I will only drive them away and damage our relationship. 

I didn’t get it at the time, but when I went off to college my own father wrote me a note telling me just that.  He told me I was now my own man and I had to make my own decisions.  He’d be there, offer counsel and help me in any way he could, but I was now a man.  Many of us will never say that to our kids but it’s going to happen regardless.  They will become their own person and emancipate themselves from our parentage, whether we want them to or not.  It will help if I will accept that I am no longer ultimately responsible for them—they are now responsible for themselves before God.

You trust!  When you come to the place of surrendering your right to parent your adult kids, you must also, at the same time, trust God to lead them and help them.  I don’t care what the context, it’s always scary to trust God—to surrender control.  I don’t know about you but I made plenty of mistakes as a young man—still do—and consequently I want to spare my kids those same mistakes.  Let’s be honest, we too often want to make decisions for them.  But don’t you realize that God has used every one of your failures to make you who you are?  I don’t mean that we should want our kids to fail or make mistakes, but I am saying we have to trust God that He will work through it for their good—as He did with us.

And here’s what that means specifically: you and I must let them shoulder the responsibility for the decisions they make.  I’m not saying we never rescue our adult children, sometimes we should, but far too often we don’t allow them to experience the consequences of their choices and thereby stymie their growth.  Too many moms and dads are too often bailing their adult children out instead of trusting God.  I remember Anne once heard the Lord tell her that she was getting in the way of what He was trying to do in our kids lives.  It takes a tough love to let our kids grow through pain, but we must learn to trust God.

You pray!  Along with trusting God, we commit ourselves to remember them to God through prayer.  The Bible book of James says prayer can greatly change things.  As God is sovereignly superintending our world, He can rescue or direct our kids in response to our petitions.  If anything we need to prioritize prayer for our adult kids, but it’s equally true that our supplications do as much or more for us in the area of trusting God.  In other words, the more I pray for my kids the easier it is to trust God’s work in their lives.

You counsel!  This may sound contradictory to what I’ve already said, and I confess it takes some balance, but we never give up the role of counselor to our kids.   We must relinquish the desire to control them, to tell them what to do, but never the responsibility to speak into their lives.  The Bible actually calls us to speak into each others lives as brothers and sisters in Christ; how much more should we do that as parents to our grown children?  The difference is we speak, not from a position of power or parental authority, but rather from a loving, equal relationship.  Jackie, a friend of ours and a mother of three adult children in their late 30’s---early 40’s, says she always tells her kids what she thinks but what they do with it is up to them.

You love!  There is nothing more needed by our adult kids than for us to love them.  But what does that mean?  Loving them means you pour into them what they greatly need from you.  They need you to respect them, to believe in them, and to affirm them.  When they don’t call as much as you like, you call them.  When you wish they’d initiate more, you still take the lead without pouting or getting your feelings hurt.   You love them.  You tell them often and you show them continually.

Parenting toddlers had its challenges, but so does parenting grown-ups.  However there is also great reward in this new parental relationship and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead as I walk with my adult children.

Missions And Your Children

One of the concerns I’ve often heard from people considering a life invested in missions is, “What about my kids?”  Parents worry about how the experience of growing up overseas will affect their children.  Now I think that is a valid concern.  I remember how I felt driving into Tete, Mozambique on a trip seeking to discover whether Anne and I should move there.  I remember vividly thinking, “How would my kids adjust to living here?”  Well, my life is at least in part a product of the decision my parents made to give their lives in service in the small Latin American country called Uruguay.  I don’t doubt that there will be some losses for your children if you were to follow God’s lead to a culture worlds away, but there are many positives too.  Let me share a few of them. 

L-R (Steve, Don, Jimmy & Alan)

Maybe this will be the most obvious, but your children will grow up bilingual.  As our world becomes progressively smaller with rapid transportation and the networking of the World Wide Web, being able to speak two languages is such a boon.  It will not only open doors of opportunity in business, but it will give them an open door to many relationships they never would have had otherwise.   From my own perspective, being able to speak Spanish along with English is something I treasure profoundly.

Your children will be multi-cultural and by that I mean, they will see themselves as something broader than just Americans.  Please don’t misunderstand.  I love our country.  There is not a country in the world like America.  Her freedoms and opportunities are indeed the shining star of our world, and I believe those have come about because of our Judeo-Christian heritage--but I’ll leave that to another post.  But my point is that I am just as much a Uruguayan, in my heart, as I am an American.  I love Uruguay.  I was raised there.  Uruguayans are in part my people.  Please don’t hate me for this but if Uruguay and the USA ever meet in the World Cup, I’m confessing ahead of time I’ll probably be pulling for Uruguay.   When your children grow up in a different land, they have a bigger perspective than just America and I think that is a good thing.

Children of missionaries will often be stretched emotionally and socially, and as a result be more adaptable to what comes their way.  Because we are kids of two lands, two cultures, we learn to change, to adjust, from homeland to homeland.  Back here in Virginia, where we’re from, Christmas is in the winter; it’s usually extremely cold and we’re all hoping for a white Christmas.  Where I grew up in Uruguay Christmas is in the dead of summer, sometimes in the nineties on Christmas day.  And Christmas is celebrated with fireworks, not Christmas carols.  As a son of missionaries, I learned to roll with the tide.  Change and differences were a regular part of life.

I know every child is different, but I believe another positive from growing up in a foreign land will be an earlier and greater maturity.  I’m assuming this maturity comes about because of some of the things I’ve already mentioned, for example the flexibility and the multi-culturalism, but your children will tend to rapidly mature emotionally and socially.  From an early age I rode buses in a large metropolitan city of a million and a half—by myself.  Consequently, at the age of seventeen my parents allowed me and another friend of the same age to travel to Europe.  For the next five weeks we toured all over the continent with only a train pass, a map to different youth hostiles, and a small pack of clothes.  I recognize that was a different day, and I’m not so sure they’d be willing to do that in these times, but my point is that we tend to mature early on.  I asked my parents, as a parent myself, how could they have let their seventeen-year-old son do that?  Their response was simply, “You were mature enough and we knew you could be trusted.”

Celebrating Dad's Birthday with Family

There is one more thing your children will gain if you choose to invest your life in reaching the nations—they will get an extended family that will be theirs until they die!  I said I treasure being bilingual, and I do, but I treasure just as much or more the “aunts and uncles” that come along with being part of a mission.   Every one of my parent’s fellow missionaries became my uncle Dennis or my aunt Peggy.   Even at the good ole age of fifty-five, it’s hard for me not to call them uncle Jimmie or aunt Norma.  They will always be family to me and your fellow missionaries will always be family, true family, loving family, to your kids as well.

I know that not every missionary kid or every mission experience will fit the bill as I’ve described it here, but I'm convinced most will.  Don’t be afraid to follow God’s lead to the ends of the earth because of what it will do to your children.  Your children will be blessed beyond measure.