The Infrastructure of Marriage: Ten Pillars that Support Marriage in the Storms of Life

In 1906 a 7.6 magnitude earthquake hit San Francisco when the San Andreas Fault buckled under extreme pressure.  More than ¾ of the buildings were destroyed.

In February of 2010 Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive estimated that 250,000 residences and 30,000 commercial buildings collapsed or were severely damaged when the Haiti earthquake devastated their land.

The magnitude 7.8 earthquake that hit Nepal last month pulverized homes and historic buildings.  

Collapsed buildings caused about three-quarters of all earthquake fatalities during the 20th century and they continue to post the most serious earthquake risk in most cities, according to the 2001 Global Earthquake Safety Initiative report.

Here’s the point; when the land underneath you begins to shake, it’s the infrastructure of a building that will keep it from collapsing.  Jesus once told a story about two men who built two houses; one built on the sand, the other on a rock and when the storm hit the one home on the rock survived and the other collapsed.

Not to be too melodramatic, or too metaphorical, but every marriage will be accosted by storms; Every marriage will be hit by an earthquake, a hurricane, even a tornado. It is the infrastructure that will keep that marriage standing through the storm.  I'm going to suggest that there are at least ten pillars that give structure and support to marriage; ten pillars that will sustain a marriage when pressure comes.  And unfortunately, pressure will always come. 

PILLAR #1 - MARRIAGE IS A GOD THING!

Here’s what I mean by that.  Marriage is the creation and gift of God.  It’s not a man made institution. 

Gen. 2:21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones,
 And flesh of my flesh;
 She shall be called Woman,
 Because she was taken out of Man.”

God saw that it was NOT good for man to be alone so He created woman from man. God fashion Eve for Adam.  Marriage is a God thing!

Max Lucado expressed that this way: “God created marriage.  No government or subcommittee envisioned it.  No social organization developed it.  Marriage was conceived and born in the mind of God.”

Why is this my starting structural pillar?  This is the foundation!  Because if marriage is the brain child and gift of God, then He alone has the right to define the rest of its structure.

PILLAR #2 - MARRIAGE IS A COMPLEMENTARIAN THING!

God created us male and female thus marriage was created complementarian;

Gen. 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them;

In case you didn’t notice, men and women were made by God to compliment each other.  They compliment each other sexually, which is the most obvious, but they compliment each other in other ways as well—especially as it relates to raising children.  Kids need a dad and a mom because both genders bring things to the kids that they need.  Even secular social scientist are acknowledging this truth.

God fashioned Eve to be a helpmate for Adam, and I would say he made Adam to be her helpmate as well.  Marriage as God designed it is complimentary; this has always been God’s structure for marriage.

Thus two men cannot marry; two women cannot marry for they are not complimentarian.  Whatever two men or two women may call their relationship, it is not marriage.

PILLAR #3 - MARRIAGE IS A BINARY THING!

God did not create marriage truples or marriage quadruples.  He didn’t create marriages of one husband and multiple wives and just because men in years gone by corrupted what God created doesn’t erase that truth.  Marriage was between two people—it was binary—not polygamous.

Gen. 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

I believe there is coming a day in the not so distant future when the definition of marriage will be expanded to include more than just two—but as I said just a moment ago—whatever you call a truple or any other polyamory relationship, it is not marriage.  Marriage is binary and complementarian.

PILLAR #4 - MARRIAGE IS A COMPLETION THING!

A man and A woman will join in marriage and they shall become ONE flesh.  That is a mystery but God says that when a man and woman marry, there is completion that takes place where the two become one.

As God recognizes from the start—its not good for man to be alone—he needs a partner—he needs one to complete him.

Man’s aloneness didn’t take God by surprise.  In His creative process, God from the beginning was planning on creating man in his image as male and female to complete one another in marriage.  Why didn’t he just make us that way from the start?  Why make Adam wait?  Why make Eve from Adam?  The obvious answer is to teach us.  To teach us at least one of the purposes of marriage; to complete us; to partner us; to companion us in this walk of life. 

I have to say something to the singles here—To some God gives the gift of singleness.  However this "completion" thing works, Jesus is able to complete us in Himself.  I believe we can all say that Jesus completes us spiritually.  But so many singles I know don’t want to be single.  They long for the person who will be "one" with them.  I understand that desire—I had it for seven years before marrying.  If you find yourself wanting to be married, wanting to be "one" with another person, trust God until that person comes along.  Let Jesus meet that need with Himself.  Don’t marry just to marry as many have discovered, it's better to be single than to be married to the wrong person.

PILLAR #5 - MARRIAGE IS A FRUITFUL THING!

Gen 1:28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 

Marriage was always meant to be God’s means of filling the earth with people.  One of the clear and compelling purposes of marriage is the procreation of children.  God desired that in the safety and nurture of a loving marriage, children would be raised to know Him and love Him.

Malachi 2:15 says, "Didn’t God create you to become like one person with your wife? And why did he do this? It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God’s people."

In Jeremiah 29, when Israel will be uprooted from their homeland and taken in exile, God says, “I want you to keep having children and grandchildren.  Don’t stop having kids.”

Children are a blessing from the Lord.  Yes marriage is about the couple, the two of you, but it’s not just exclusively about the two of you.  It’s also about the children. 

PILLAR #6 - MARRIAGE IS A PERMANENT THING!

Jesus was once asked about divorce.  The growing prominence of the “for any reason" divorce teaching triggered the question:  “Is it ok to divorce for any cause?”

Jesus answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Marriage was always meant to be a permanent relationship.  Jesus adds the words, “What God joins together, let not man separate.” 

Malachi 2:16 For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel.  The author of marriage says He hates divorce.  Divorce was never meant to be a part of His plan.  If I had to guess, one of the reasons God hates divorce is because of what it does to the children.

The religious leaders of Jesus day then asked him, “Then why did Moses give us divorce?”  Jesus’ answer was 'because of the sinfulness of man.'  Divorce came about because of our sinfulness, our fallenness; it was never in the perfect plan of God.

PILLAR #7 - MARRIAGE IS A TEMPORARY THING!

Whoa you say! You just said it was permanent.  It is permanent in this life but it comes to an end with death.  Thus we always say at a wedding ceremony, “Until death do us part.”  In Romans 7 Paul says that at death people are released from the vows of marriage.

In an exchange with Jesus, the Sadducees are trying to make Jesus look a bit ignorant when they set up this situation where, according to the OT Levitical law, a woman marries seven brothers.  They ask, whose wife will she be in the resurrection? 

Luke 20:34-35 - Jesus said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage.

With our death our permanent marriages in this life will end.  Some of you are saying “Hallelujah!”  Just kidding!  Did you know that the University of Chicago conducts a yearly survey asking married couples if they are "very happy, pretty happy or not happy" and every year consistently, 97% of marriages are "pretty happy to very happy!"  That should be an encouragement to us.

Marriage is temporary, for this life only.  It is not eternal as some assert.

PILLAR #8 - MARRIAGE IS AN INTIMATE THING!

If we go back to the creation of Adam and Eve we read; Gen. 2: 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Marriage was from the beginning always meant to be the place for physical intimacy.  And that intimacy is what leads to the procreation of children; we’ve already noted that marriage is to be a fruitful thing.

But God would definitely want us to know that physical intimacy isn’t just about having kids.  The Song of Solomon was not allowed to be read by Jewish men until they were married or in their 20’s.  It’s a book about the sexual intimacy between King Solomon and his Shunamite wife.  Here's a rather tame passage from that book: 

SOS 4:9 My bride, my very own,
 you have stolen my heart!
 With one glance from your eyes
and the glow of your necklace,
 you have stolen my heart.  10 Your love is sweeter than wine; 
the smell of your perfume
 is more fragrant than spices. 11 Your lips are a honeycomb;
 milk and honey
 flow from your tongue.
  Your dress has the aroma
 of cedar trees from Lebanon. 12 My bride, my very own,
 you are a garden,
 a fountain
 closed off to all others.

In the New Testament, the apostle Paul speaks of physical intimacy as the culmination or the expression of becoming “one flesh.” But I’m going to interject here that marriage is NOT just to be a place of physical intimacy—it’s definitely that-- but it is also to be a place of emotional intimacy as well.

What exactly is emotional intimacy? Someone once defined it as "INTIMACY—INTO ME  SEE!"  Emotional intimacy is trust and communication between you and your spouse that allows you both to share your innermost selves.  Emotional intimacy is when we feel wholly accepted, respected, and trusted in the eyes of our mates so that we share our innermost feelings, struggles and failures.

In his book, Soul Cravings, Erwin Raphael McManus writes eloquently about emotional intimacy; "We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhuman when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it."

Notice Solomon says, “a garden, a fountain, closed off to all others.”  Intimacy can only flourish in exclusivity.   Solomon didn’t live that but that doesn’t take away from him expressing what was true.  Thus God says He will judge those who are unfaithful in marriage.  Adultery is a grievous sin. 

PILLAR #9 - MARRIAGE IS A LOVE THING!

Love is one of the most misunderstood words today. I often hear people say they don’t love their spouse anymore. I know what they mean by that—the feeling of love has gone.  I don’t want to minimize that; in fact I’ll suggest the intimacy I was talking about earlier is related to those “in love” feelings.  Nothing will keep that “in love” feeling alive more than conveying value to one another and when you give and serve one another because you love them you are adding fuel to the “lovey dovey feelings” and that’s a good thing!

But as important as the feeling of love is, love is so much more than a feeling. Love is a decision – it is an act of our will to prefer one another as more important than ourselves even when feelings are NOT there.

Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage says, “In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.”

Marriage is a love thing but love is much more than a feeling thing.  Here’s what love is:  1 Cor.13:4 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. 5 It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs.  6 Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. 7 It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up.

Western culture tells us that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love.  That is why there are so many divorces—people stop feeling loving feelings so they stop acting with mutual sacrifice for one another.  Their actions are feeling driven.  The Bible says your actions drive your feelings.  Act with mutual love and sacrifice; feelings will always follow.

Detrick Bonheoffer said, “It is not love that will sustain the marriage; it is the marriage that will sustain the love.” 

Your emotions can’t be commanded—can’t be dictated--but your actions can.  If we will act in mutual love and sacrifice for each other, our feelings will always follow.

PILLAR #10 - MARRIAGE IS A MODELED THING!

In Ephesians 5 Paul tells us that when he speaks of marriage, it has been modeled for us in God’s relationship with the church.

Eph. 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 

Specifically Paul says that Christ's love for us models for us the kind of love a husband is to have for his wife.  I don’t believe I am contradicting God’s Word when I say that is the kind of love a wife is to have for her husband as well.  We  are to love each other as Christ loved us.  And how did Jesus love us?  He gave His all for you—He sacrificed himself preferring you and me over himself.

One more time listen to Tim Keller:  "We must say to ourselves something like this: 'Well, when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn't think "I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me." No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us - denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him - and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He said, "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they are doing." He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. That is why I am going to love my spouse.' Speak to your heart like that, and then fulfill the promises you made on your wedding day.”

Jesus modeled for us the sacrificial love that marriage demands.  He modeled for us what it means to love.

I'm sure more could be said about the infrastructure that builds up and holds a marriage in tact.  The truth is, the heart and flesh of a marriage is found in the every day living out these things and more in a practical way.  But maybe something in this post has challenged your heart.

If you’ve thought of redefining marriage in light of the cultural shift going on today.  Please don’t.

More pointedly in your personal life, maybe you’ve giving up on your marriage.  Maybe you’ve stopped loving, stopped investing, choosing instead just to endure or you are planning and hoping to leave.  Will you decide today to change that?  Will you choose instead to let God shore up your marriage infrastructure?

Two hours with Dr. Ewart

Yesterday Dr. John Ewart was gracious to give me two hours of his time.  Dr. Ewart has pastored numerous growing churches and today is Associate Vice President for Global Theological Initiatives, Dir. Southeastern Center for Pastoral Leadership and Preaching and Associate Professor of Missions and Pastoral Leadership at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Last fall I had asked Dr. Ewart to help us as a church in that for some time now I've felt we needed some outside eyes to help us evaluate the health and well-being of our church family.

One of the first things he noticed, which has been pretty apparent, is that for some years now we have been plateaued in numerical growth.  Each year we are having the privilege of baptizing new believers but barely enough to keep up with those leaving us because they have moved away or simply fallen away.  One positive thing brother John noted was that our giving continues to be strong, which is a testimony to the faithfulness of the core of our church family.  The two hours went by quickly, but I came away with three action points on which I want to try to follow up on.

First, we need to better define what we are aiming for so we can figure out how best to accomplish it; then evaluate if we are indeed moving toward the goal.  For example, he took our mission statement, "We are going to (first of all be) make disciples who live holy lives and love others sacrificially," and he asked me what that meant.  What does a disciple who lives a holy life look like?  What does it look like to love others sacrificially?  How are we making disciples?  How are we attempting to reach our goal?  How do we know we have?  Is there any way to measure if we've been successful?  I pushed back a bit-- in that we all know that it's hard to measure the character of a disciple-- and he agreed.  However, he did suggest there are things we can do to help in the "being part," and they are related to "knowing and doing."

Nathan and I recently had a conversation, in part, about this very thing; that is, what are some things we do as a church that we consider indispensable?  What will we continue to staff and support because we believe they are essential to our making disciples?  For example, we believe Sunday school is one of those ministry essentials to making disciples, and so is our Wednesday mid-week gathering; but what are the others?  In talking with Dr. Ewart yesterday, I believe the leadership of our church needs to clearly answer some of these questions.

Second, we need to bring our leaders together as a team to work precisely and concisely to this end.  By leaders I mean our elders and all those who lead our ministry teams.  In days gone by they were often called the "church council.”   As I listened, I recognized with conviction that our leaders should be getting together often.  Dr. Ewart recommended that church leaders get together once a month on a Sunday afternoon, to communicate, to plan, to evaluate and to pray.  Again, we recently did this and the feedback was, “We need to do this more often.”

Finally, we need to develop and implement ongoing means of reaching out into the community.  We do so well at welcoming those who come, but what are we doing to reach out?  I know the best outreach is for us to personally and individually share our faith in Jesus and invite our friends and acquaintances to join us on a Sunday, but I also want us to do some "open door" events to help us reach out.  And when folks do take us up on our outreach event, what then?  How do we connect them to us that we might have a chance to connect them to Jesus, the One they truly need?  I believe I know the answer to that question; I'm just not sure I'm a gifted enough leader to help us get there.  Hopefully together we can.

What can all of us do?  Like I said yesterday, pray!  Let's be like Jesus and talk with God about this.  Let's ask Him to empower us, to use us, to exalt Himself in us.  After praying, submit yourself to God.  Be willing to inconvenience yourself for God's Kingdom.  Be willing to submit your will and your desires to Him.  If you are a ministry leader, serve by leading with humility and excellence.  If you are a member, be a minister.  Be a servant.  Be willing to change and give yourself to serve Christ by serving others.    As one of our pastor/elders, I know our desire for our church family is that we might exalt Christ and be as effective as possible.  Let's ask God to help us do that!

From my heart,
Pastor Jimmy

Observations from a Sunday away

I'll never forget the weekend Jesus changed my heart and gave me a love for being with God's people on Sundays.  I had already been challenged by a Sunday school teacher for my inconsistent participation on Sundays but that wasn't what did it.  On this one particular weekend I was supposed to meet my friend Jeff Denlinger at the college cafeteria; but as a Resident Advisor in the dorm, I'd been up until the wee hours of the morning.  So when I finally crawled in the bed I decided I wasn't going--- Jeff would understand when I wasn't there.  But Jeff didn't understand and before I knew it, I was awakened to a knock on my door.  There stood my friend questioning me as to why I wasn't at the cafeteria.  I told him I wasn't going, talked about how late I'd been up, and watched him leave a bit dejected.  As I laid in bed, wide awake, God did a work in my heart; before I knew it I was up getting ready and soon on my way.  I never looked back.  That day God filled my heart with love for God's people and a desire to encourage my brothers and sisters with my presence.  And I can say I never again missed gathering with God's people on a Lord's Day for an inconsequential reason.

As a pastor I don't get too many Sundays to visit with other church families but whenever I'm away for vacation, or any other reason, being a part of a new church family is a great privilege and quite often a great joy.   Earlier this year, while on vacation at the Outerbanks, I was able to worship with two different churches--- at 9:30 a.m. a small Methodist church right next to the home where we were staying and at 11:00 a.m. a small church that appeared to be a part of the Assembly of God fellowship.  I'd like to share with you a few observations I made from these two worship gatherings and a "take-away" from each observation.

First I noticed how different were the two worship expressions.   One was traditional, including three hymns sung from a hymn book and accompanied by a lone pianist.  There were liturgical readings and singing the doxology after the offering was collected.  The other was very contemporary and we sang to digital music projected on a screen with the lights dimmed.  The songs were so new that I was unfamiliar with two of them.  One church had a traditional building, traditional stage and traditional pews.  The other one was very different with a stage decorated with nautical paraphernalia.  But the truth is, worship isn't dependent on the music, the lighting or the building but on our hearts and I observed brothers and sisters worshipping in both places, as diverse as they were.   My "take-away" was this:  King Jesus is worshipped with great diversity as His people gather on Sundays and that's ok.  Having worshipped with believers in Congo and Mozambique I already knew this but I observed it again on the Outer Banks.  And an equally important truth is that however a church chooses to express their worship, I can join in with them and worship Jesus my Savior.

Second, I observed how different both pastors were yet they shared a few things in common.  One dressed in a suit while the other in jeans and a casual shirt.  One preached for twelve minutes and the other about forty.  One preached simply talking to us while the second pastor used every voice intonation and every tempo available, even crying at one point.  I doubt they could have been much more different yet they were also similar.  It was obvious to me that both men loved Jesus.  Their passion and heart for Him was clear.  They both believed in the authority of the Bible and wanted their preaching to impact their listeners.   As I watched them, I was convinced that both men truly loved the people.  My "take-away" was this: God can use a pastor no matter what he looks like if he loves God's people, loves God's Word, and loves the Lord Jesus.  I want to be such a pastor.

Third, I observed that neither church family seemed all that interested in me as a person.  No one greeted me outside the allotted "greeting time" and even then it was only with a handshake.  It was funny because with the Methodist church they loved the greeting time and were very intent on greeting each other but I sort of just stood there.   My "take-away" was this: How hard it is for us to make guest feel welcome.  We must be intentional.   Obviously we can't control what anyone else does, just ourselves, so this truly applies to each of us individually.  Paul spoke often of hospitality; we need to apply that to our church family gatherings on Sunday mornings.

Finally, I observed that at neither of the churches I visited on Sunday was the gospel clearly presented.  They spoke of loving Jesus and giving Him our all, obviously two very important truths, but the gospel is not what we can do for Christ, but what He has done for us in the cross.  We should definitely call one another to greater consecration but only upon the foundation of the grace of God in Christ.  The gospel is not that I try harder to live for God but that I recognize my sin and my inability to obtain God's forgiveness by my own effort and merit, and instead trust in the life and death of Jesus for the forgiveness of my sin.  The good news is that when I cannot be holy by my efforts, I can be holy by receiving Jesus' holiness as a gift from God-- freely given to all who will believe.    My "take-away" was this: There is so much we as followers of Jesus need to know and learn, but it clearly needs to be built on the bedrock of the gospel.

Has God given you a love for the local church?  Many of you who might read this will be members of the Castle family.  Has God given you a love for our church family?  Are you committed to being a part, to give of yourself, to be an encouragement to others?  Over the years God has grown my love for God's people and for the weekly gathering of believers.  I'm devoted to it.  It began one Sunday morning with a decision to be a part.  If you haven't made such a decision, such a commitment, will you choose this day to love God's church and give of yourself?  I hope so.  No telling what you may observe

Happy birthday Dad!

Today my father turns eighty (80) years old. I thought it would be fitting for me to write a bit about him for those of you who have never met him.  Dad grew up in Bull-Island, as it was known to the locals-- Poquoson to the rest of us.  I can only assume that ‘Bull-Island’ got its name because at some point in the past, there used to be a bunch of bulls kept down there.  Much like how we call the wildlife reserve down by the nuclear plant, “Hog-Island.”  My dad’s father was a shipyard worker, my grandmother a teacher early on but lived most of her life as a domestic engineer, raising dad and his siblings.  Dad was the oldest followed by a brother five years later and then a sister five years after that.  He was raised in what I assume was a typical post-WWII home, loving, caring, nurturing.  He married a lady from his high school— Annette Moore.  They had grown up in the same church family though I don’t really think they were high school sweethearts.  As the old saying goes, he definitely married above himself!  At some point early in life dad became a Christ follower and into his late teens and early twenties he felt led to pursue vocational ministry— dad would go on to serve as a pastor/missionary his entire life.

Dad and me

While in seminary and soon after, he would give leadership to three churches, Beech Grove, Coinjock and Sawyer’s Creek--a few years at each.  I remember him sharing with me how hard it was to lead churches where people had no desire to change.  He almost left vocational ministry while at one of those churches because he felt like he would not survive the emotional discouragement.  While serving at Sawyer’s Creek dad and mom both felt leadership from the Lord to serve as missionaries and with their three very young sons in tow, they headed for Montevideo, Uruguay.  They would spend the next twenty years serving there.

I know my parents didn’t go south for their children, but I’ll always be grateful for the upbringing I received, having been raised on foreign soil.  There are so many lessons I learned, so many skills I developed, so many friends I received.  Having been raised in Latin America, I believe I received a view of the world that I might not have had I lived in North Carolina all my life, but truly those are just speculative thoughts.

Dad and mom went to Uruguay to do youth work but that never really materialized.  Dad would end up being a theology teacher, pastor and counselor for most of his time there.  We returned to Uruguay two years ago, my parents and my brothers and I, and it was extremely encouraging as we gathered with this great crowd of witnesses who came to tell my father how much his life had impacted them. I saw tears on my father’s face as people shared with him how his life and words had added so much value to theirs.  He had led some of them to follow Jesus but all of them talked about how he had loved them and helped them.

They returned to the United States in the late 1980’s and dad finished his ministry career by serving as the pastor of several churches before his retirement.   None of those experiences would ever top the blessing he received serving in that small Latin American country.  Today he turns eighty and I want to say how much I love and appreciate him.  My dad taught me many things over the last five decades of my life— let me share three with you.

My father taught me that we were all sinners and not to judge others by their sin.  Nothing people told him shocked him and his goal was always to help them leave their sin behind.  He showed me what love without condemnation looks like; what it means not to judge others.  He helped nationals, missionaries, and even sought to help people who didn’t know Christ.

He taught me how to love in marriage and be committed to its permanence.  Now don’t misunderstand--Dad could have and should have helped my mother much more.  I always joke that dad never changed a diaper— and unfortunately that may not be a joke!  But growing up it was obvious my father loved my mother, and she him.  They were playfully affectionate around us.  They were kind.  I never heard them raise their voices or even argue.  (Of course that may be because my mom is a saint!) They locked their bedroom door at night.  I didn’t know what that meant then but I know today they had a healthy marriage in every way.  I’ll never be able to thank my dad and mom for giving us the healthy family we had to grow up in.  And my parents stayed together.  Through thick and thin.  They showed me that marriage is what maintains the love, not the other way around.

Dad at 75

My dad taught me what it means to be a man.  He invested in me.  He instructed me verbally and modeled many good things.  I’ll never forget dad writing me a letter when I first went to college.  He emancipated me with his words.  He declared me a man and said from that point on I needed to act like a man.  He was there to be my friend, to advise me, to help me, but I needed to take responsibility for my life.  Honestly, it was a bit scary but I guess it’s not unlike a parent bird throwing the baby bird out of the nest saying, “Fly or die!”  But dad knew I was ready to fly.  He had taught me over the years responsibility, work ethic, family values, and what really ultimately matters in life.

It might be easy to think, because of what I’ve written, that dad was perfect, that he made no mistakes.  Like all of us who have parented, dad made plenty.  But the mistakes don’t often overpower or erase the good we managed to do.   So dad, if you read this, I just want you to know I’ll always be grateful to you.  I owe you so much.  I am not solely the man I am due to your influence, but yet I recognize that much of who I am came from what I learned from you while under your care.  Happy birthday dad!

Discipleship Imbalance

I was listening to the Outsiders Podcast this week and they made me think.  They call themselves "Outsiders" because they used to belong to the evangelical church but having rejected Biblical authority, they now find themselves 'outside' the boundaries that most evangelicals will embrace.  This particular podcast was on discipleship and one of the speakers' main contention was that discipleship wasn't about knowing propositional truth but rather the development of the character of Jesus in our lives.  Discipleship he contended, wasn't about being able to recite doctrine, (they seemed to have a pretty strong disdain for doctrine and anyone who believes God actually inspired the Scriptures), but rather about us being changed and transformed by Jesus as we walk through life with Him.

I once heard someone say that 'balance is that place we find ourselves as the pendulum swings to the other extreme.'  I could not agree more.  If we are not careful we tend merely to react and go to the other side of an issue only to find ourselves in error again, but on the other side.  Robertson McQuilken used to say, "We need to live in the center of Biblical tension," or to quote my friend Dick Lane, "We need to fly with two wings of truth."

To reject discipleship as growth in our understanding of truth, and more specifically in our understanding of God's Word, is to ignore so much of what the Bible says.  When Jesus prays for his disciples on the night before His death He says; (John 17:17) "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth."  Peter says something similar in his second letter;  "Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.  For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;" (2Pet.1:4-6)  Because we have escaped the corruption of this world, in other words we have been saved, Peter tells us to add to our faith goodness and knowledge.  We don't need to reject the idea that discipleship includes our growth in knowledge.

But the 'Outsiders' are right when they say that discipleship isn't just knowing more; its about being transformed into Jesus' likeness.  In fact this is God's intention in salvation; I will be conformed in heart and soul and action to Jesus Himself!  If I am a Christ-follower, if Jesus is indeed my Savior, it is a certainty: I can't help but be more and more like Him with the passing of time.  That means I'll grow in my understanding of truth and doctrine but just as equally important, my character and my life will become more and more like Jesus.  Salvation isn't just about my agreeing that Jesus died for me as the "lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world,'" but its about me entering into a relationship with God Himself.  He comes into my life with power and purpose and I begin to follow and the result is change.  I become like Jesus.

In what way do I become like Jesus?  I begin to take on His character.  I grow in love, patience, kindness and goodness.  I am able to love my enemies and do good to those who despitefully use me. I am able to serve others rather than demanding that others serve me.  I am humble as Jesus was humble.  I am holy, having been declared holy by God through faith, my heart longs to be holy.  Like Jesus I begin to long to spend time with God.  Prayer becomes my heart's desire.  Someone has said, "Jesus loves me just as I am but He loves me too much to leave me that way."  As He by His Spirit 'disciples me,' my heart and character and life are transformed by Him.

Don't make the mistake of discipleship imbalance.  Jesus wants you to grow in truth, in doctrine, and in your character.   Are you a disciple of Jesus?  If so, would you say you are changing, growing in both these regards?  Remember its a life long process.  Some times we take a few steps forward only to find ourselves falling one back.  Don't be discouraged.  Don't give up.  But do examine yourself.  Are you understanding and grasping truth in a growing measure?  Are you loving like Jesus?  Are you patient?  Are you kind?  Are you selfless?  Are you serving others?  Do the poor matter to you?  How about people without Jesus; do you see them as lost sheep without a shepherd? Are you Jesus with 'skin on' to those in your life and in your sphere of influence?

Be a disciple in balance!  Grow in truth.  Grow in godly character.

Greater Condemnation (Luke 20:45-47)

Last week at the end of the service I commented that I felt a bit unsettled about the message I had just shared.  (http://baconscastle.com/podcastgen/?name=but_god_looks_at_the_heart_(luke_20_27_-_21_4).mp3)  Several of you spoke encouraging words to me during the week and I’m thankful for that but I believe I know why I felt the way I did. 

I spoke of how Jesus says that if we live a life of hypocrisy we will reap even greater condemnation.  But what left me unsettled was which one of us doesn’t live in hypocrisy, even often?  We all, all too often, dress up the outside with spirituality but inside we are far different than we present.  We are like the Pharisees who honored God with their lips but their heart was far from God.  Which one of us doesn’t at times find ourselves living as a hypocrite?

What bothered me last week, I believe, was did I speak enough of grace?  Did I speak enough of the grace that God sheds in our hearts that gives us a new heart and regenerates us, makes us new?  The truth is grace changes us and though we may live in a moment of hypocrisy, we don’t live a life of one.  I think what troubled me was maybe I didn’t root Jesus’ words well enough in the context of His grace.  We are recipients of grace that leads us tear down our hypocrisy and live authentic Christian lives, owning our sins and failures and relying daily on that grace of God.

Jesus doesn’t promise greater condemnation for moments of hypocrisy; He promises greater condemnation for pretending we know the grace of God in our lives when in reality we don’t.  And how do I know if I’ve experienced the grace of God in my life?  My heart is changed and I depend on Jesus, I want to follow Jesus.  Following Him becomes my heart’s desire and my life ambition.  Yes I’ll stumble along the way and even live hypocritically at times but even in those moments I’ll cling to His grace.

The call to examine ourselves still stands; am I clinging to the grace of God?  Is God's grace transforming me or am I merely pretending to know and love God?  Don't pretend.  Be for real.  Own the truth. 

God is listening (Acts 12)

We often think that the early church, those early believers, operated so much in the supernatural that  all they had to do was ask God and he would break His natural laws to accomplish whatever they wanted.  That was not so.  Now I will grant you that they seemed to encounter more supernatural acts of God than we do but even in their experience, the supernatural was the exception not the rule.  The reason we know that is because when God supernaturally releases Peter from prison, no one believes it is really him.  Why?  Because they know he’s in jail and there is no way he could get out; at least no natural way.  What’s really ironic was that Peter’s release would have been a focal point of their prayers, even as they were praying at that very moment!

So let me encourage you with several thoughts from this little vignette in Scripture.

1. God does hear our prayers.  If there is one thing I’d like you remember, to remind yourself daily, it’s that God always hears your prayers.  Have you ever been talking to someone and realize they aren’t even listening to you?  I must confess I’ve been guilty of that way too often.  I’ve also been intently sharing with someone else only to realize they are somewhere else in their mind and heart.   God is not like that.  He is able to hear and listen to all our prayers.  He actually invites us into his presence to share our heart with him.  I always like to remind myself when I'm praying that God isn't a million miles away in a far off land we call heaven; God is right there with me in that very spot I'm praying.  He hears your prayers.  

2. God can and does intervene in our history to accomplish His will.    Sometimes it can seem that this world is just out of control, a result of our sinful and selfish choices.  The murderous rampage of ISIS against people, and against people who follow Jesus in particular, prods us to ask the questions, “God where are you?  Why are you allowing this?”  You know those early believers who suffered equal pressures and martyrdom often wondered the same thing.   But this story reminds us that God is Sovereign over His creation; accomplishing His will as He desires.   There is no doubt that most of the evil and despair we see in the world is simply God allowing us to reap the results of our sinful and fallen choices.  Indeed, God said that we would 'reap what we sow,' but don’t ever forget that God has not abandoned us.  God is still at work and will indeed accomplish His desires at the end, in spite of our sin.  Take courage, God has not left us alone and God is leading all of history to the conclusion that He desires. 

3. So let me encourage you to not grow weary but to pray!  Jesus once told us to pray and not lose heart.  Accept the truth that God doesn’t always violate His natural laws to answer us BUT He is always listening, always attentive, always involved.  Make your requests known to Him.  Trust that He is at work in the world; He can and does work with all our errant and sinful choices to yet bring about His ultimate will and our good.  Remember the words of Joseph to his brothers, “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good.”  God was so wise, so powerful, so good that He was not deterred by men’s sinful choices; He could work through them for His perfect end.  That’s the promise of Romans 8:28, “God works all things together for good for those who love Him.”  So pray.  Pray and talk to God always—as you are driving, sitting or whenever you have a free moment.  But also make time to gather with others and pray together.  This story tells us the early church did that a great deal.

Blessings

Jimmy

The dangers of being a stumbling block

One thing is true today-- somebody is watching me.  I don't mean with sinister motives either.  I mean people are watching me as I follow Christ in order to gain encouragement in their own walk with Jesus.  Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ" and I've done that my entire Christian life.  I've watched the men who follow Christ and I've followed them.  I followed them as a man, as a dad, as a friend and as a pastor.  I watched what they did and I emulated them.  I guess because of that I've always known that people were following me too.  I don't know if the men ahead of me felt the weight of that responsibility but I know I have as I thought of those following me.  I didn't want to be a stumbling block for others.

Matthew 18:5-7 always challenges me as I think of those who might be following me.  "Whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.  Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!"  I have never wanted to be a stumbling block for anyone.

Have you ever thought about how we can be a stumbling block to others?  If people respect me and are following me as I follow Christ, how might I trip them up if I'm not careful?  Here are three things we might do to cause others to stumble.

Sin - When people are following us, and we choose to reject Christ and embrace sin, we are placing a stumbling block before others.  Most all of us know that we are sinners, and even that those we follow are too, but there is something truly disheartening to watch someone we love and respect, someone we follow, choose selfishness and sin over loving God.  Your sin will not only affect your relationship with God, it can stumble those who are watching you, looking up to you.  When you and I choose the selfishness of sin, especially grievous sin, those behind us may choose to give up in their disappointment.

Unrepentance -  We all know that we still sin and deep down we are aware that even our "leaders," those we follow, can fall.  We know they can even fall grievously and that in itself can cause others to stumble, but something else that may stumble even more is a heart unwilling to repent.   When confronted with sin, if you and I are unwilling to repent and turn back to follow Jesus, those who have been following us may decide that Jesus isn't worth it either.  Maybe they didn't stumble over our sin but they stumbled over our unwillingness to repent and turn back.  They may choose to give up because we are unwilling to return.

Rejection - John Maxwell once said, "No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care."  There is a great deal of truth in this.  So often people follow us because they feel loved by us, they trust us.  If we act unlovingly, if we portray rejection, then we may just be setting a trip hazard before others.

Ultimately all of us are responsible directly to God himself.  None of us will be able to excuse our own failures by appealing to a stumbling block someone else put before us.  Along with this reality, there is the truth that God's Holy Spirit indwells and empowers us all to walk and not stumble.  Yet nonetheless, there is this grave word of caution-- do not be the cause of others tripping.

May God help us walk and even run the race in such a way that those who follow will not stumble over us.

Serving is what we do

Jesus often spoke about humility and servanthood.  In Matthew 18 he says;

18 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  5 And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Here is that familiar call of Jesus to humility.  Greatness in the kingdom of God will always be measured in terms of our servant's heart, our humility of heart.  As a leader I've struggled with this; I desire to be a servant at heart because this is what we do.  Jesus said, "I've come to serve and not be served."  But at the same time, I'm not convinced that my leadership is one and the same with serving.  I often hear Christian leaders say that their platform ministry is one and the same with serving others.  Even in the secular world we hear politicians called public servants.  But serving seems to be something we do personally for others out of our humility.  Jesus speaks of receiving a child and nothing is more servant like than caring for a child.  Platform ministries are rarely personal and instead of lowering ourselves to serve the least, those ministries often elevate us to positions of great praise.  The larger the platform ministry, the greater the praise, power and position that usually follows.

Now I don't mean to imply that leaders can't be servants.  Indeed they can be and should be but service isn't seen so much in the platform ministry but in the heart of that leader outside of that large ministry.  Does that leader serve the least of these personally?  Is their heart of humility seen in how they treat others outside the popular large ministry?  Does that leader have time to talk to and encourage the young, the unknown, the one with no power?

Dr. Al Moyler represents the leader who is both powerful and humble.  Though I don't know him personally, he is the president of Southern Seminary, prolific author and speaker, but I listen to his daily briefing and on the weekend he takes questions from people.  His humility and his desire to serve the least is evident in how he answers their questions.  He is kind.  He is encouraging.  He is never self ingratiating.  I believe he'd always have time for the young ones, whether they were the children around him or the young in faith.

I desire to be the best leader I can be.  I want to be strong and assertive.  I want to be inspiring and challenging.  But above all those things I long to be a servant.  I want to be humble, a man under authority and one who serves Jesus but a leader who also sees serving Jesus as lived out in serving even children.  Jesus told us that to receive the children is to receive him.  Never grow to the point that you are too big, too powerful, too important to have time to serve the least of those around us.  Personally serving the little ones is what we do.

A thorn in the flesh

Yesterday I was reading the passage on Paul's thorn in the flesh.  Here's what Paul wrote:

2 Corinthians 12:7 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! 8 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

God took this passage and spoke to my heart in a very clear and challenging way.  Let me share with you three observations I made.

Whatever Paul's "thorn" was, he didn't want it and asked numerous times for God to remove it.  Paul calls it a messenger from Satan to torment him so this thorn must not have been an easy thing to deal with.  He described it as torment.  My first observation was that this was no little thing to Paul, he hated it and wanted it to change.

But God tells him definitively that He is not going to remove it.  Some how, in some way, God's glory was made more evident in Paul's life through Paul's weakness.  My guess is that when people saw Paul's weakness, his thorn, and they saw his devotion and love for Jesus, they would know that what made him like he was was the power of God at work in his life.  But what was clear was that no matter how much Paul wanted that thorn gone, no matter how much he asked, God wasn't going to remove it.  That was my second observation.

My third observation, something I think I'd glossed over and missed in the past, was Paul had accepted that answer and was content to live with his less that ideal situation if at the end of the day God would be more greatly exalted.  I imagine that he still would very much like to have had that "thorn" removed.  It was undoubtedly an irritant since most thorns are; it clearly hurt him.  But Paul had quit fighting against it and had accepted the answer of God and now was choosing to live in contentment and allow God to shine through that weakness.

Here's where it gets personal.  I've had a thorn in my flesh too and I've asked God repeatedly to remove it, to change it, but he has always said no.  But what was clear to me yesterday was, that unlike Paul, I've never accepted that.  I still fight against it on the inside.  I chaff at it and it often consumes my thinking.  I have been unwilling to accept what Jesus has been saying to me for years-- "Jimmy, I'm not changing it for in this weakness my grace is made perfect in you.  Jimmy, you shine brighter for me in this weakness than you would if I removed it.  I'm not going to take away your thorn."   I've refused to accept that, though almost three decades have gone by. 

But yesterday God tenderly helped me see Paul's contentment and his willingness to embrace the thorn and stop fighting against it.  Today I'm asking God to do that in me.  I can't say that accepting this thorn is going to be easy, or a quick turn around, but I sense God's work in me to that end.

It's easy to rationalize

A few Sundays ago I said something that I believe is worth repeating here in this blog.  We’ve been studying Abraham in the book of Genesis and one thing I’m pretty convinced of is that when he took Hagar as his second wife, he knew that was not what God intended for the fulfillment of his promise to Abraham that he would have a son.  I continue to believe that Abraham knew in his heart all along that God intended to give Sarah a child.  So why did he do it?  Maybe he wanted to support Sarah in her plan—to give her some relief in how she was feeling as a woman who had not been able to give him a son.  Maybe the prospect of having another wife was enticing to Abraham’s lust.  Maybe at the end of the day, he convinced himself this might work but whatever his ultimate motivation, I believe he knew this was not what God wanted him to do.

            But thirteen years go by and he has a son.  His wives have learned to live with the situation so things seem a bit better at home but during this time something happens to Abraham.  He begins to believe that he must have been right in his decision to take Hagar as his wife.  So much so that after thirteen years he doesn’t even think about Sarah having a son anymore.  God had promised him a son and by his own ingenuity he had brought it about—through Hagar.  So when God shows up in person to talk with Abraham and tells him that Sarah’s going to have a son next year, his immediate response is to laugh to himself at the impossibility of such a thing.  Yet God is patient and his rebuke is gentle.  God will bless Ishmael but the promise God made long ago would be fulfilled in Sarah’s son, a boy to be named Isaac.

            When I read that and saw what happened to Abraham, I immediately saw a corollary between what happened to him and what happens to us.   We often do things that in our hearts we know are wrong.  We know God doesn’t approve but we convince ourselves it’s ok.  And as time goes on, and nothing really bad seems to happen, we convince ourselves that not only is it not wrong, it’s what God wanted us to do.  I think we’re particularly susceptible to this in relationships with others but really it can happen in almost any area of life. 

Here’s a couple of “for instances” that I see often.  Walking with God demands a daily personal time of prayer and fellowship in God’s Word but because we know we can talk to God always and everywhere, and because we’ve read the Bible before, we rationalize that walking with God doesn’t need that daily, focused time of meeting with Him.  In fact, we convince ourselves that God would rather have the “on the go prayers” than the disciplined time with Him. 

Commitment to your church family is a command from God but people rationalize that they can worship anywhere.  Before long we have forsaken the church gathered for worship for fishing on the river.  We convince ourselves this is the will of God because God is everywhere in nature and we pray before we launch.  And besides, we’re spending time with our children. 

I could go on but my point is simply this; let’s stop rationalizing our disobedience and submit our selves to God.  For some of you, you’ve been so long ignoring the prompting of the Holy Spirit, it may be hard for you to even hear His voice still.  I’m praying for revival because in revival we all hear Him clearly once more. 

But let this be my challenge to us in the days ahead.  Heed his voice.  Listen to His Spirit.  When you know something is wrong in your heart, when you have that check in your spirit, obey God.  Stop doing what you are doing.  Start doing what you need to be doing.  The old song says, “Trust and obey for there is no other way…”  Trust the Lord Jesus will see you through.  He will help you.  And obey those promptings, obey His voice.  There is no other way for us to walk before him blamelessly than to trust in Jesus and obey His will.

One final word, walking in obedience is not easy.  It often hurts.  It often cost you.  There can be a huge sacrifice in not living for your self.  The world says, “You fool!  This is all there is—why are you wasting your life?”  But we know better.  This is not all there is.  Jim Elliot once said, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he can not lose.”  Christ died for our obedience—now by His grace let’s live in it.