Is your marriage the main thing? Three keys to help.

Last Saturday afternoon I officiated at my oldest son's wedding.  Truly it was a day of great joy, but honestly, it's rare that wedding days aren't chalked full of happiness and glee.  As I prepared to share with Caleb and Tami, I was reminded of two statements that I heard many years ago, and both of which made a profound impression on my heart.  I'll cover one in this post, and the other a bit later.

The first statement was shared by Dr. Jack Wilder in a message he preached years ago.  He made the remark, "The wedding is the first thing, but it's not the main thing.  The main thing is your marriage."  Here's what he meant.  The wedding is the first thing you do as a married couple, but it's not the main thing you should focus on to give you a good marriage.  In fact, I'd even suggest your wedding actually has nothing to do with the happiness, or lack thereof, in the marriage that follows.  You can have little or no wedding celebration at all and still have an incredibly happy marriage, while on the other hand you can spend a hundred thousand dollars--or more-- and be in a miserable marriage from the day you tie the knot.  If you believe the wedding is of paramount importance in marriage, you are sadly mistaken and you are heading for disillusionment.

I believe it was Stephen Covey who said that if you want to make changes in your life, "you must keep the main thing, the main thing."  If you want a happy marriage, you must keep the main thing the main thing and that's not the wedding.  It may be first, but it doesn't even register on the scale of what truly matters.  Don't misunderstand, I'm happy for every couple who has a joy-filled, fun and celebrative wedding.  I want all my children to have such a day, but the truth is the every day living together, the in and out of daily waking up, living, and going to sleep beside each other, is where the happiness of marriage is made.  It's not in that first party.

So what is the main thing in marriage?  If not the beginning celebration, what then?  Here it is--it's the daily choosing to love and serve and bless the one you married.  It's the day-to-day deciding to give yourself to please your partner and pour happiness and joy into his or her life.  It's finding out what blesses them and then choosing to give yourself to that end.  Stop for just a moment and think--what would it be like if I daily gave myself to serve my spouse and fill their heart with joy?  What would my marriage be like if I did that for them, and in turn they did that for me?  How incredible that marriage would be!

But herein lies the problem--we are all extremely selfish.  We want our time, our space, our desires; and giving it up for someone else regularly, even the one we married, is a hard thing.  Honestly, I don't think we fully realize how radically selfish we are until we enter into marriage.  Marriage brings it out!  Unfortunately, what happens way too often is one spouse starts living in selfishness much of the time; rarely, or in some cases, they never give themselves to serve and bless their spouse; and it doesn't take long for the other spouse to give up.  I say it doesn't take long, but some spouses will serve the other one for decades before they finally break and check out.  Unfortunately, as a pastor, I've seen it often--once a spouse breaks, it's hard to be restored.  So I want to offer several suggestions for all of us, especially if we find ourselves in the selfish marriage I've described.

1. If by God's grace you see yourself as the selfish spouse who isn't living to pour joy and blessing into the heart of your mate, CHANGE!  Turn from this path you are on, or your marriage will not make it.  Seriously.  How many times I've said to myself, I can twist this wire one more time or turn this screw just a bit more, only to have it break in the next instance and destroy what I'm working on.  Maybe you have been taking advantage of your husband for decades, taking him for granted and investing little in his heart.  Maybe you treat your wife as your personal servant without any regard for her heart.  In both cases you think you are not hurting anything, only to find out your selfishness went a day too far.  [If you are the selfish one, don't go and say you are sorry--save it for a different day.]  Instead, begin to serve your wife.  Pour into her heart to meet her needs and make her feel loved.  Choose to give yourself to bless your husband.  Make him wonder what happened to the wife that never seemed to care about his heart.  When they notice the change, THEN seek their forgiveness.  Then confess your selfishness.

2. If you are the spouse who is being neglected at the altar of your spouse's selfishness, let me encourage you to not follow suit.  I promise you this--if you decide you will stop investing and believe you can both simply learn to selfishly coexist, you are wrong.  You will only grow further and further apart--no marriage stays put when no investments are made.  Like a motor-less boat on a flowing river, you will always float downstream.

3.  Stop going down the path you are on.  Just recently I took a wrong turn.  I knew it was a wrong turn but I kept driving anyway--there was no way out.  It was a dead end and eventually I had to turn around.  When I finally did, I kept kicking myself for not turning around sooner.  For some of you it's time to turn around and go a different direction in your marriage.  Here's what that means.  If you've never had a serious conversation with your spouse, and you are the recipient of unbridled selfishness, it's time to confront the one you love.  It's time to tell him or her how you feel--how you are hurting.   I know that feels scary, but do it!   If you've confronted them often, and nothing ever changes, it's time to get some help.  Don't be frightened of getting help.  If you are a Christ-follower, talk to one of your pastors.  If you aren't, there are many marriage counselors out there who can help.  Regardless, it's time to roll up your sleeves and take this to the next level.

I realize this post is a bit simplistic.  Your marriage may be much more complicated than what I've described.  Tim Keller once said, “Marriage is glorious but hard.  It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it's blood, sweat and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories."  Marriage isn't easy, but it was always meant to be a blessing.  If we will keep serving one another as the main thing--if we will keep blessing one another as the daily thing--then our marriages will be magnets that draw all those around us to want to know why.  Make serving one another in marriage the main thing.

No Matter How You Voted, Remember This!

I've hesitated to write again on anything political, as I still have so many questions myself as to what to do on election day.  However, as that dreaded election Tuesday rapidly approaches, I have three encouragements with which I'd like to strengthen us all.   If you've read anything I've written before, chances are you know I try to write with a pastor's heart to exhort my brothers and sisters in Christ.

First, always remember to keep America and the Church of the Lord Jesus separate in your thinking.  You may believe that is a superfluous statement, but I'm not so sure.  Because of America's strong Christian heritage, many have come to see those two as somehow synonymous--but they are not.  I was in a meeting recently when a brother commented, "If Clinton wins, we're doomed." In context it seemed pretty clear the "we" referred to us as followers of Jesus.   I know we all appreciate much of the Christian morality that has permeated our American culture, and as we see that slipping away from our land we feel that loss, but know this--we Christians are more than conquerors through Christ who loves us!  No matter what America does as a nation or as a culture, we the Church are not doomed.  The Church will not only continue strong, but we will be triumphant at the conclusion of all things.

Second, let's not allow this election to steal our unity as followers of Jesus.   It really is amazing to me how passionate believers are, both for Trump and against him.  Unfortunately that passion has led to a division between Christians.   I touched on this in my last article when I wrote about how vitriolic the language and tenor have been by both Clinton and Trump supporters.  Sadly, that same vitriol leaked from the "pens" of many Christ followers, and was even directed at other believers.  I really believe, no matter how strongly you hold to the rightness of your "Trump/No Trump" vote, we would be best served by applying Jesus' admonition to not judge one another, but rather entrust each other to God's Spirit.  For some of us, "A Christian must vote for Trump" or "A Christian should never vote for Trump" seems as clear as high definition, and we can't understand how anyone would see it differently; but they do--with equal conviction.  It would be nice if we all agreed, though personally I can understand why believers fall on either side of this divide.  What we need even now is to stand united in our Savior, even if we disagree on who to vote for.

Finally, don't let fear or despair over take you, but instead be filled with hope and joy.  I realize that it is disheartening to see our culture and our nation move away from Biblical morality, especially at such a rapid pace, and there seems so little we can do to arrest its retreat; but none of that is cause for despair.  Remember that God commanded us to "Rejoice always!"  Did you hear that?  We are to be filled with joy all the time--not just when it's going our way.  Over 150 times the psalmist commands us to rejoice.  Maybe you are wondering how we choose joy when the outlook seems so bleak?  Easy!  Don't forget that God is still Lord and He will never abandon us.  He's given us the power of His Holy Spirit, not only to live holy, but to enable us to thrive even in the most difficult of times.   Even if your candidate loses, the truth is this election may bring about a revival in the Church that sparks the beginning of a national awakening.  So keep that perspective-- choose joy and hope and expectancy!  Remember what the multitude of heaven said in Revelation 19-- “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns."

I hate Clinton! I hate Trump!

Let me start by saying I call my blog The Pastor's Pen because I am primarily writing to men and women who follow Jesus.  I believe that God has tasked me with the job of caring for and leading His people, so I do my best to write to that end.  However, I also have a number of friends who don't share my allegiance to Jesus or my worldview, so I also write for them too.  I want them to at least understand, not only my point of view, but my heart commitments as well.  But these thoughts are directed primarily to you Christ-followers.

One of the things that is so pervasive on social media this election season is hatred.  Maybe you think that word is too strong, but dislike just doesn't cut it.  People loath Clinton or detest Trump with a vitriol that I don't ever remember seeing.  But it's not just Clinton and Trump that people seem to hate--they seem to hate anyone and everyone else who supports the other candidate, or who doesn't agree with them.  The disdain that the pro-Clintons have for the 'Make America Great Again' Trump squadron is palpable.   The contempt of the Trump force toward the Clinton throng is equally tangible.   But we can go a step further and say people who would never vote for Clinton, but are known as the #NeverTrump crowd, are equally hostile to the Trump "deplorables," and vice versa. 

Now the point of the post isn't to argue for or against Clinton-Trump.  The point of this post is to say to you followers of Jesus, lose the hatred.  Lose the vitriol. We were called to so much more than that.  I came across these verses in my Bible reading this morning: "Remind [those who follow Jesus] to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men" (Titus 3:1-2).  Why don't you read that again before you move on?  I don't care how much you are for Trump or how unqualified you might think Clinton to be; I don't care how wonderful a president you think Clinton might make or how disastrous you think it might be if Trump were at the helm; those of you who follow Jesus, your allegiance is to Jesus alone.

Notice how Jesus calls us to malign no one.  Notice how He says we should be known for our peaceable demeanor and our gentle hearts.  When He says we are to show consideration for all men I think God is calling us to civility, and even to a supernatural kindness.  In the words of Jesus, “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" (Luke 6:27-28).  You would do well to actually read most of that chapter where Jesus concludes, "Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:35-36).

Some of you think that I might be saying we can't be passionate or speak the truth.  You misunderstand.  Speak up, but lose the odious rhetoric.   Make your point but jettison the rudeness and hateful speech.  Stop assassinating people's character, disparaging their children and spreading slander that you don't even know to be true.  Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's real or true, but even if it is we who follow Jesus don't slander others or gossip.  And just because others are doing it, just because conservative and liberal websites are producing it, I am not obligated to pass it on.

I write to you my brothers and sisters because we are different.  The love of Jesus has been poured out in our hearts.  We are not driven by the selfishness and the anger that motivates too many in our world.  We are not of this world.  This world is not our home.  Let's live like it.  Let's talk like it.  Stand up and speak the truth passionately, but "speak the truth in love" (Eph.4:15).   "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person" (Col.4:6).  "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe" (1 Tim.4:12).

Why don't I change?

Jesus once asked a group of people who claimed to be His followers, "Why do you call me Lord, but don't do what I say" (Luke 6:46)?  I remember as a young man, that question had a profound impact on my life because I would have said that I was a Christian; but I also knew there was much that Jesus said and did that I wasn't doing and had no intention of doing.  Now, as a pastor for all these years, I find it so troubling that many people who I know claim to follow Jesus, invest such little effort in that following.  Actually, other than claiming to follow Jesus, there hasn't been much change in how they live, what they do, or how they relate to God or others.   Their love for God and others isn't seen in what they do or what they say.   Did you know that God has an expectation, a goal for each one of us who follow Jesus?  Here it is--God is committed to our changing and being conformed to the person who Jesus is.  What that means is God desires us to think like Jesus thought, behave like Jesus behaved, and love like Jesus loved.  Paul, that early Christian leader, said to the Galatian Christians, "I labor until Christ is formed in you" (Galatians 4:19).   We are to be like Jesus.

Well, how does this transformation to be like Jesus take place?  Who's responsible for it?  The truth is that God is--and we are.  Some folks want to make it one or the other, and people often get out of balance; but Paul makes it pretty clear that God is working and we should be working toward the goal of being like Jesus.  Philippians 2:12-13 says, "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."  Depend on God whose Spirit indwells you and empowers you, but also recognize your role.

So back to my original question, why are so many of us not being changed?  Why is there so little difference in us now from the time we began to follow Jesus?  Well we know that God isn’t failing in His part, so the issue must be with us.   I want to suggest three reasons why we don't change.

We operate on the basis of felt needs rather than faith.  I've noticed something in my observation of professing Christians, and I've noticed it in my own struggles.  We tend to do only the things that we feel like we need to do.  We are feeling driven rather than faith driven.  Faith says I believe that God's greatest desire for me--and consequently that which would be for my greatest good-- is to be like Jesus; therefore, I'm going to do what God calls me to do whether I feel like it or not.  Feelings, on the other hand says, how do I feel about that?  Do I feel like I need to do that?  And if our feelings don't want to do it, we don't.  If our feelings are up to it, we may do it.  Let's face it everyone--we've bought into the consumer-driven mentality of our culture that says it's all about me, and if I don't feel like it, I won't do it.  Jesus wasn't like that, and we shouldn't be either.  Jesus said to God the Father, "Not my will but yours be done."  Let me put that in our everyday context.  When my feelings say: I don't need to love that person, or I don't need to share my resources, or I don't need to invest that time in serving others, or I don't need to do that task, or I don't need to pull aside to meet with God one on one, my faith says yes you do.  We should walk by faith, not feelings.

We are not willing to put in the hard work necessary.  Maybe this is another way of saying our feelings rule.   In the last part of Hebrews 5 the author says that maturity, or what I would call Christlikeness, comes about through practice which trains the senses to discern good and evil.  Did you catch that?  Maturity comes through practice.  Practice is hard and arduous work.  The world champion platform diver Tom Daley didn't even make it to the finals, and the commentators were suggesting it was because he added a new dive only one and half years ago.  They stated that might not have been enough time to learn it, yet he practices daily.   Remember what Paul said?  "Work out your salvation."  Becoming like Jesus takes work on our part.  It is daily practicing to walk in His steps.  I don't always get it right, but I work hard at it.  Let me ask you, believer in the Lord Jesus,  how hard are you willing to work at being conformed to the image of Jesus?  The Olympians work hard for a piece of gold and earthly glory--are you willing to work that hard to hear our Father say, "Well done!"?

We fail to invest in our minds.  Paul made it clear, "Don't be conformed to this world but be transformed."  Obviously, he meant transformed into the image of Jesus, and then he goes on to tell us exactly how to do it.  He says "by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:1-2).   Furthermore the Bible makes it clear, "As a man thinks in himself, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7).  This is why our worldview, how we think about the world, affects every area of our lives.  Let me be the first to admit that changing the way I think doesn't often feel like a felt need; and if you have ever tried to change your thinking, you know it's hard work.  Most of us have ingrained patterns of thought that have been with us since childhood and changing them is never easy.  But how do I do that?  How do I change my thinking?  How do I even know where my thinking needs to change?  Someone said to me the other day, "Jimmy, you don't know what you don't know," and they were so right.  Now remember, the goal is to be like Jesus and think like Jesus; so if I'm going to change my mind, I need do the hard work of reading Jesus' thoughts, seeking to understand Jesus, and then by faith adopting His mindset.  But don't just read to read; read to understand, and if you are His follower, read so you can begin to think like Jesus.  If this is new to you, start reading one of the first four books of the New Testament--they contain much of what Jesus said and did.  Read other too-- followers of Jesus who can help you understand Jesus.  Ask someone you trust to teach you what Jesus thought.

Even as I type these words I hear God's Spirit asking me, "Jimmy, are you willing to do the hard work of transformation?  Are you willing to stop being led by your feelings and instead be led by your faith in me?  Are you willing to let Me change your mind as you continue to understand My thinking?  Are you willing to let Me change you all the more?"  I imagine God will bring me back here again to these same questions, maybe many times, but in this moment my emphatic answer is, "I am."  What's your answer?

Christian! Stop going to church!

"Which church do you go to?" or "Did you go to church this morning?" are common questions you hear all the time in our Christian relationships.  I confess, I've asked them many times, but I've come to a place where I'm trying not to.  I've come to realize such questions only reinforce a misconception, and this misunderstanding is that "church" is a place we go to or something we attend.

Let me give you a little background on the word church.  Our English word church translates a Greek work, ekklesia, which simply means, called out.  The church is a group of people who have been called out of something.  The Bible often speaks of us as being called out of darkness and into God's marvelous light, but what that simply means is that the church is the group of people, from all over the world, from all races and ethnic groups, from both genders and from all ages, who trust in and follow Jesus.  So church isn't anything we go to or anything we attend-- church is who we are.  We are the church, the called-out ones, the ones who follow Jesus.  Peter calls us a holy nation, a chosen race, even a people for God's own possession (1 Peter 2:9).  We trust His words, we believe in His work, and we give our lives to live for and to follow Him.  We follow His character, His heart and His teachings.  Our goal in life is to be like Him, to be transformed into His image so that we think like Him, act like Him and love like Him.  C.S. Lewis used to say that if your conversion to Christ didn't change you outwardly, your conversion was probably just imaginary.

So how did church become a place we go to or something we attend?  It's actually quite easy--as we the church would meet together we acquired buildings in which to meet, and over time we began to refer to them as churches.  As we the church met together weekly for worship, that gathering became central and we also began to refer to it as church.  It was an easy step to begin to refer to church as a place we go and a meeting we attend, rather than to us as a people who are the church.

I know that words morph and change over time.  Not too many years ago, a "gay event" would have referred to a "happy occasion", but not anymore.  So calling the buildings we meet in churches is here to stay.  Referring to our weekly worship gathering as church, probably isn't going to disappear either, so why would I even write about this in a post?

Well, even though I know we can't change the church at large, I do think we can speak to encourage our own thinking.  The Bible says, "as a man thinks in himself, so is he."  How I think affects me, so if I can consciously think correctly about the church, I can influence my own life.  Again, church isn't something we go to.  It's who we are, so when we come together on Sundays, it's not to spectate--it's to participate.

So here's my challenge.  Remind yourself often that the buildings where you meet are not the church.  I've been trying to refer to the buildings as our "facilities" or the "buildings where we meet."  I confess, it's hard.  I know you might be saying, "Why bother when no one else will follow suit?"  Bother because it will remind you that we are the called out ones--not our building.  In the Old Testament, the temple was built and God's presence dwelt there.  It was a magnificent edifice that pointed people to the greatness of God.  But with the new covenant in Jesus, God destroyed the temple and built a new one, not with stone and mortar, but rather with living stones--us!  We, His people, are the temple of God.  His presence dwells with us and we live to show off the magnificence of His grace (1 Peter 2).  So do your best to stop calling bricks and lumber the church of God.

But maybe even more importantly, it will help us to stop referring to our Sunday morning gathering as church.  "Did you attend church today?"  We don't attend church.  Attending gives the idea that we are spectating at whatever is happening.  When we speak of attending a sporting event, we never mean that we are the players on the court or field--we're just watching others perform.  When we come together as God's church (God's called-out ones) we are never supposed to be just watching others perform, but I sense that's too often just what we do.  When we gather to worship as the church, we are not the people in the stands; we're supposed to be the people on the field.   Now you may be thinking, "How do I do that?  I'm not up front.  I'm not a praise leader or a pastor."  You do that by giving yourself, your mind, your heart to that worship expression time.  You sing.   You engage in prayer.  You listen attentively with a heart to obey what you hear.  You heed the Holy Spirit as He prompts you to encourage others.  You take the initiative to greet others and meet them if you don't know them.   You gather early and stay a bit afterward, for the purpose of engaging with others, and you use your words and body language to affirm them, build them up and help them where you can.  You see yourself as one of the players in this gathering of worship rather than just someone in the gallery of observers.   I know it's just semantics, but words matter.  So we should say things like, "Did you gather as the church to worship yesterday?" instead of, "Did you attend church yesterday?"

As I read back over this post, I'm sure some of you will think it's silly, but I stand by my assertion that we should stop going to church and just start being the church.  Join me and others as the church this coming weekend.

Why a Christ-Follower Should Surrender His or Her Permission to Drink Alcohol

Things are changing.  Surely we see the changes in our American culture but things are changing here in the church of Jesus as well.  Some of those changes are good and needed.  The denominational divide that once sliced us into different pieces is slowly giving way to a greater sense of Christian unity across those once firm demarcations.  Yes, we still have a long way to go in that division by ethnicity and race still prevail, but even that is being challenged by many Christ followers.

But not all change is leading us to good places, so let me speak to one area that I see especially prevalent among Christ's youngest followers, though not limited to them.  I'm referring to the new found freedom to bring alcohol into our lives.

First, let me acknowledge some things that are absolutely Biblically true.  God doesn't forbid the drinking of alcohol.   Many have tried to make that case, but they can't do it using the Bible.  In fact, wine was most likely the choice drink in Old and New Testament times.  Wine is often portrayed as an example of some really good things.  For example, the Song of Solomon often compares the sweetest of loves to choice wine.   In fact, he says that love is better than wine!   Our Lord Himself even turned water into wine so that the festivities at a wedding might continue.

Now with that foundation, let me agree that drinking alcohol is not in itself morally wrong or a sin.   I'll even acknowledge that drinking wine with a meal would have been the norm in Jesus' day, but nonetheless I'd like to argue against the growing use of alcohol among the body of Christ.

Most followers of Jesus are familiar with Paul's admonition to us: "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Corinthians 6:12).  Actually, twice in this same letter Paul says the same thing and both times it has to do with eating and drinking in context.  Side note here, but it's amazing how often we quote this verse as saying 'All sinful things are lawful for me but all are not profitable.'  It doesn't say that at all.  Sin is still sin and holiness is God's expectation of us.  Sin is never permissible.  There is nothing that fits the context of these verses, for us 21st century followers of Jesus, more than this issue of alcohol.  So let me give you three reasons why drinking alcohol, though it may be permissible, it is not profitable.

First would be the constant warnings against the over use of alcohol.  I've never met a Christian who doesn't agree with the Bible that drunkenness is wrong.  "Do not get drunk with wine," Paul told us, "but be filled with the Spirit" (Ephesians 5:18).  Proverbs 20:1 says, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise."  And one more; Proverbs 21:17 says, "He who loves pleasure will become a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not become rich."

One of the reasons for these warnings, I believe, and something that I think is lost to so many young Christians, is the power of alcohol to addict the soul.  In Proverbs 23 the author writes, "Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.  Buy truth, and do not sell it, get wisdom and instruction and understanding... Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause?  Who has redness of eyes?  Those who linger long over wine, those who go to taste mixed wine.  Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly; at the last it bites like a serpent and stings like a viper.  Your eyes will see strange things and your mind will utter perverse things.  And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, or like one who lies down on the top of a mast.  They struck me, but I did not become ill; they beat me, but I did not know it.  When shall I awake?  I will seek another drink” (Proverbs 23:22-23, 29-35).  The author is clearly warning against the power of alcohol to control and overpower our lives.

I've watched many a man and woman who starts out seeking to drink in moderation only to find that it's addictive powers overtake them.  Everyone thinks that it won't happen to them, but when alcohol overtakes you it's a battle to overcome, and the effects can be devastating.  Who hasn't heard of the recent dismissal of Perry Noble from New Spring Church in South Carolina?  Perry is obviously a brother who loves the Lord Jesus, who had freedom to drink, but in time the alcohol overtook him.  He was removed from his ministry and even his family was under intense pressure from his addiction to alcohol.  Another pastor friend of mine found himself more and more controlled by alcohol and more and more given to drink in excess.  Finally, able to admit that to himself, he gave it up.

Yes, it's permissible to drink, but as powerful as alcohol is to master us, is it profitable?

A second reason why alcohol, though permissible isn't profitable, is because we don't need it.  We don't need it on two fronts.  First, we don't need it as a drink to sustain life.  Whenever I travel to the third world, I'm often given Coca-cola products to drink by my host.  Do you know why?  It's because the water isn't potable. and the soft drink products are far less dangerous.  There was a day when wine was much safer to drink than water.  That's not true in our day.  We have more choices and more varieties of drinks available to us than in any generation of the past--we don't need to drink wine or alcohol because it's "safe."  And on a second front, we don't need to drink alcohol for an emotional reason either.  Proverbs 31:6 says, "Give strong drink to him who is perishing, and wine to him whose life is bitter."  Fellow believers, we have been given joy--great joy!  Jesus said I came that you might have abundant life.  He spoke often of the joy of life that is ours in Him.  It's not a circumstantially caused joy, but a joy that flows from us like rivers of living water--if we let it.  It's a joy that we can choose.   Have you noticed that more and more celebratory events in the lives of Christ-followers must be punctuated with alcohol?  Rarely do I go to a wedding that there isn't alcohol for the Christians.  I'm sure the goal is merriment and joy, but isn't joy ours without substance help?  I suggest it is--we merely must choose it.

Finally, I suggest a third reason why alcohol isn't profitable and it's because it blunts our testimony.  What I mean by that is it blurs the lines and erases the distinctions between those of us who have the joy of the Lord, and those who do not.  One of the marks of the believer should be our joy and our peace, but if we can't have either without the help of a wine cooler, how is our faith transforming our lives?  Why do we need to pitch the corn hole bag with one hand while we hang on to our second or third beer, wine cooler or hard cider in the other?  Please don't misunderstand.  I'm not saying that not drinking makes us joy-filled or peace-filled--I'm saying that if we are joy-filled and peace-filled, why would we want to hide that behind a bottle?  What if people saw our joy and happiness, our peace and contentment, and they saw it not as a result of alcohol but our relationship with Jesus?  Wouldn't that sharpen our witness?

It's funny, but in this day when the call for a Christian's freedom to drink alcohol is so strong, I feel like I'm stepping out in traffic as I call for the opposite, but nonetheless I do.  Follower of Jesus, I'd like to encourage you to consider that maybe drinking alcohol isn't the most profitable path to take.  Would you consider giving up what is permissible, for something that may be much more profitable for you and for the Kingdom of God?

America is Changing and Here's Three Things You Should Do

It's amazing how fast things are changing in our culture.   I listen to Dr. Mohler's Briefing every morning and the speed at which moral change is happening in just about every corner of our society is truly staggering.  In just one year we've gone from the Obergefell decision legalizing same sex marriage to now the Obama Administration threatening all school districts that they will lose federal money if they don't open up all bathrooms and locker rooms to transgendered students.  Loretta Lynch, Attorney General for the Obama Administration, recently said concerning the North Carolina bathroom law which requires people to use public bathrooms in keeping with their biological anatomy:  "This is why none of us can stand by when a state (NC) enters the business of legislating identity and insist that a person pretend to be something they are not..." The absolute nonsense of that statement makes me shake my head every time I read it.  In Ms. Lynch's thinking, the person who is born male but says he is female is operating in reality, while the person who says that someone  born male needs to go to a male bathroom is forcing them to pretend.

But, as ludicrous as that sounds to me, I'm aware that things are changing in our country and countless thousands of Americans agree with Ms. Lynch and not with me.  In fact, I'll even go on record as saying that I doubt this trend is going to reverse itself.  Like the western world across the ocean, America will go the way of Europe.  We are rapidly heading there now.

So, how should I respond to this moral change?  What should I do about the cultural revolution?  I am first and foremost a follower of Jesus, so I'd like to address my thoughts to those of you who consider yourselves the same.  Everywhere I turn, I hear and read things that I believe bring dishonor to Jesus from those of us who claim the name of Jesus.  I hear responses that just simply shouldn't come from us who follow Jesus the Christ.   I realize some of you will push back and say, "We're also Americans."  Yes we are, but that in no way subjugates or diminishes our responsibility to follow Jesus and respond as He would want us to.  Let me admonish you to respond in three ways.

First, don't despair.  Maybe I should say, stop despairing.  I hear often how we have departed from the good old days and there is no hope for America.  Lest you think I’m unpatriotic, let me say I love our country. God has greatly used America for the evangelization of the world, but in God's plan it has never been about America.   However you feel about the nation of Israel and God's eternal plan, America was never like Israel.  Most of us believe that however God brings about the return of His Son, at the end of time the whole world will have turned against Christ and His people.  I hate to say it, but that includes even America.  Here's my point--God's got this!  Wherever our nation ultimately lands, God is still directing this world to the conclusion that He desires.  We may wring our hands in despair, but we don't need to.  God isn't.  Even if the worst case scenario were to unfold in America--Bernie Sanders were to win the Presidency, and we become a socialist or communist nation where religious expression is at first ridiculed then marginalized and ultimately suppressed--we don't need to despair.  Have you not heard?  Don't you know?  "God reigns over the nations, God sits on His holy throne" (Psalm 47:8).


Second, love the lost.  Actually Jesus goes further.  He even says love your enemies.  If there is one characteristic of God that God Himself seems to accentuate, it's His love.  God is love, He tells us.  It amazes me that so many of us who claim to be His followers believe we have a right to be extremely unloving.   I think we believe the nature of the issue gives us that right; or maybe it's the unloving hearts of those we oppose, but whatever it is, it's wrong.  We follow the One who told us not to take up personal offense against others.  We follow the One who willingly gave His life and then prayed, "Father forgive them because they don't know what they are doing."  If there is anyone who should love those who oppose the truth or who oppose us, it is us, the followers of Jesus.  Our language and our tone should be one of civility and respect.   Instead, social media is filled with Christ followers whose tone and language, most likely driven by fear and despair, is discourteous, angry and hostile.  At times I dare say most covered by the media seem almost dripping with hatred.  Such things should not be known among us who follow the Lord Jesus.

Third, speak the truth.  I was thinking, as I was writing, that some might not even get to this third point because they will disagree with the first two and stop reading.  One thing we must continue to do as those who follow Jesus is speak the truth.  We need to speak it in love, as we are admonished by the Apostle Paul, but speak it we must.  Everywhere around me I see those who claim to follow Jesus embracing the errors and immorality of this modern, moral revolution.  Main line churches are embracing homosexuality and transgenderism as normative or neutral behaviors, when God clearly says they are not.  We see Christians everywhere embracing no fault divorce, abortion, and sexual expression with no boundaries as perfectly acceptable when God unequivocally says that is not. As western Christians, privileged with so much materially, we are prone to call our greed, materialism and indifference to injustice as "blessings from God," when God expressly says such things are contrary to His heart.  In an increasingly befuddled society, it is more important than ever that we speak with moral clarity.  Take every opportunity to speak truth.  Challenge those who are leading in this revolution.  Let it be known that even if all your friends believe that living together is the smart and right thing to do, it is not what God designed or created.   Say clearly that even if the State says two men can marry, it is not marriage as God designed and created.  Do not cower away from speaking truth, but also make sure people walk away from you having experienced the kind of love and respect they may have never encountered before.

So, no matter where this cultural and moral revolution leads, let's do these three things.  Let’s not despair, let’s love the lost and let’s speak the truth.


 

How to kiss sleeping through preaching goodbye!

I confess, I've never liked to be called "Preacher."  I'm a pastor--preaching is just one of the things I do; but I will acknowledge that the importance of preaching can't really be overstated.  The Bible claims to be God's message to us, and Paul, one of the early Christian leaders, would say that by preaching it people come to believe and know God (1 Corinthians 1:21-24, Romans 10:17).  For this reason, followers of Jesus have always embraced the priority of preaching in their times of worship.  To hear, learn and apply God's Word to our lives is a supreme act of worship.  In fact Jesus said that to love Him can be equated with nothing less than obeying Him--"If you love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15).  So to love God it's essential that we know His Word.

Consequently, preaching is a priority in our worship, but just as important to us personally should be getting the most from the sermon.  I'd like to share with you four commitments you can make that will help you profit greatly from the preacher's talk.

First, come to the preaching time with an expectant heart.  Come believing that God wants to communicate to you.  One thing God promises is that He sends His Word out with a purpose--He says it won't return to Him void (Isaiah 55:11).  I'm not exactly sure all He might mean by that, but I believe when we listen to God's Word it will convict us or it will merely harden us.  I remember a farmer friend telling me that the same rain that softens the ground, also hardens it--it all depends on what you do with it at the time.  If you act on the soil while it’s wet, it’s softer.  However, if you let it sit and it dries, the water will leave a harder ground behind.  As you prepare to listen, believe God has something for you to hear.  Let it soften your heart.

Second, bring your Bible and follow along.  I know preachers these days often put the Bible text on the screens used in worship, but whenever possible, follow along in your own Bible.  For two reasons I suggest this.  One, it will help you familiarize yourself with your Bible.  Nothing increases our skills more than practice so following along will acquaint you with how your Bible is designed and laid out.  If you are using a book Bible, you can take notes in the margins that will be great reference markers in the future.  Two, it will enable you to reread the text or read in a greater context if you don't really understand.  Often I've read a few verses before or after what the preacher reads just to make sure I understand what's happening.  Context is so important for understanding what the Bible teaches.

Third, take notes.  I don't mean you have to make copious notations but use a pencil and paper to help you listen.  We remember so much more if we listen and write it down.   My wife makes it a practice to bring her sermon notebook to worship where each week she takes notes of the message.  Maybe you should consider getting a notebook to keep with your Bible and use each week.   Before I became a pastor, I also kept a sermon notebook; and though I don’t have such a notebook anymore, I never listen to a sermon without keeping notes.  I might not even keep the notes later on but I know that by doing so I am listening better and much more likely to retain what I learn.

Finally, leave the sermon with at least one specific, concrete action point.  All good preachers preach for this one goal--they want the people who are listening to them to hear God and apply what He says.  Here's an exciting thing about preaching God's Word: there is only one meaning to the text we are studying, but there are many applications.  Say, for instance, the text for the sermon is on one of Jesus' many calls for us to forgive others--who I need to forgive and who you might need to forgive most certainly will be different.  So, whatever the application God prompts to your heart, leave with a concrete thing you hope to do in response to what God showed you.  Recently, I heard Greg Stier from Dare2Share preach, and I don't think this was even one of his main points; but as I listened to him my action point was that for the next week I would get up earlier and practice prayer-walking my morning quiet time with God.  So all last week I did just that--I got up early and went walking for thirty minutes the whole time praying out loud and talking to God.  Yes, I'm sure I would have appeared strange to anyone watching me!  But it was good and I'm repeating it this week.  Your responses will always vary in nature and difficulty.  Maybe at the conclusion of a sermon God might call you to believe something, confess something, or do something but whatever it might be, commit to an action point and then do what God says.

I hope this will help you listen to preaching with greater attentiveness than ever before.  Practice these things and chances are you will never sleep through another sermon.  And by the way, I still don't like to be called "Preacher."

It's time to do away with the church offering plate!

It was Sunday morning and our church family was having “Friend Day.”  It was a Sunday that we had encouraged everyone to invite their friends, who didn’t participate with a church, to come and join them.   We planned everything that day to make our special guests feel welcome.  We decided that we wouldn’t pass an offering plate that morning because we didn’t want our guests to feel compelled to give—we simply wanted them to feel welcome.   Instead, we set a box out for the church family to give.  I remember making a passing comment to a fellow church leader later that day, after the service was over, that I wished we never had to pass the offering plate and he replied, “Why do we?”   I don’t remember clearly how it went from there but that was the last time we took up our general, weekly offering using offering plates.  Today we have secure offering boxes mounted in our facility and people give using them.

Over the years I’ve reflected often on that Sunday morning and how it changed our church family.  I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to pass an offering plate, we still do for special offerings on special occasions.

I’d like to offer four reasons to encourage church leaders everywhere to make the same decision we did twenty-five plus years ago, that is, do away with the weekly offering plate.

Giving was never meant to be an act of corporate worship.  In Jesus’ day, religious people loved to tout their benevolent giving.  They wanted people to see them give and to know how much they were giving.   So in His sermon on the mount, Jesus taught his followers, “When you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:3-4).  Now I don’t think that Jesus was saying it’s wrong if someone sees you giving.  His issue is obviously with the motive behind their giving.  At the very least Jesus is telling us that giving isn’t meant to be an act of corporate worship, but rather an act of personal worship.  It’s between us and God.

Giving should never be something we compel people to do, and I suggest that the only reason we pass an offering plate is to make sure people do.  To the church at Corinth Paul writes, “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).  Paul even asked that they take up the offering he is calling for before he even gets there!  I have been to some churches where all the believers parade down to the front of the church, row by row, where offering baskets are placed on a table and they are expected to give.  From personal experience, I tell you the compulsion to give was intense--I didn’t want to be the only one not putting something in the basket.  On one occasion the pastor didn’t feel like we gave enough so he made us go around a second time.  Granted the compulsion to give as the offering plate comes around is not nearly that great, but nonetheless I have often felt the urge to give simply because I didn’t want people seeing me not giving and think I didn’t care.

Not passing offering plates teaches God’s people their responsibility to give systematically and sacrificially.  Some folks may read this and think I’m suggesting that we shouldn’t teach stewardship.  Please don’t misunderstand—nothing could be further from the truth.   I believe that as God’s people, we should be instructed to use every bit of money and resource God entrust to us as He instructs.  I believe our stewardship should begin with a tithe to our local church.  I believe as Paul says to the church at Corinth, my surplus is that I might help those in need, and vice versa.   When a church makes giving an act of personal obedience and worship, we strengthen that call and responsibility in the life of a believer.  As a church, we’ve made giving an act of personal worship for over two decades now, and consequently God’s people have learned their personal responsibility in stewardship.  Over the years our church family has always been amply supplied by the faithfulness of God’s people.  We’ve built several buildings debt free; and though we haven’t always made our budget, we’ve always given more than we’ve spent.  We allocate fifteen percent of our undesignated giving to missions and support several other mission endeavors beyond that.   On Sundays that we don’t meet our giving is not affected,  because people give systematically.  I say all that to show that when people understand God’s expectation of stewardship, they give as God directs whether you pass the offering plate or not.

A most compelling reason to not pass the offering plate is the affect it has on people who have yet to come to know Jesus.  I guess it’s due to TV preachers and evangelists, but most people outside the church think that all the church wants is their money.   I’ve heard that all my life as a ministry leader, and it was that sentiment exactly that led me to not want to pass the offering plate that first “Friend Day.”  I can’t tell you how many times in the last two decades people who are not involved with a church family have come to visit us, and have been impacted by our commitment to giving as an act of personal worship.  I’ve told many seekers over the years that God is not interested in their money but in them; yet at the same time, if they ever came to know Him they would gladly give Him their all.  So many churches have resorted to telling their guests, “As the offering plate passes, please don’t feel compelled to give.”  I understand that statement.  They are seeking to say to their guests,  “This isn’t about your money.”  However, as much as we want to communicate that reality, I believe guests often feel awkward and compelled otherwise.  So why not take that stumbling block away from someone who may be far from God?

So follower of Jesus, I urge you to give.  I encourage you to give graciously and willingly.  I challenge you to give systematically and sacrificially.   I exhort you to give because you love the Lord Jesus, as an act of personal worship.  And church leader, I urge you to give believers a chance to do all that without passing the offering plate!

Can a person change? Can I change?

Do you ever wonder if people can really change?  Do you ever wonder if you can change?  In the Bible God sarcastically asks some consistently sinful people, "Can the Ethiopian change his skin color?  Can the leopard change his spots?  Then you can also change and do good, you who are accustomed to doing evil"(Jeremiah 13:23).  Let's be honest, change is really hard.  It took Ebenezer Scrooge three ghosts and the fear of judgment and death to help him change.  We've probably all known someone who needed to change but no amount of confrontation and no amount of help has ever managed to bring about transformation.  What’s more, probably many of us, if not all of us, have struggled with wanting to change something in us or about us but have never really been successful in doing so. 

But as hard as change might be, I believe with all my heart that you and I can change--that people can change.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen people make radical transformations in their lives in many different areas.  Angry people have become gentle.  Selfish people have begun to live for others.  Immoral people have become moral.  Now I don’t mean to imply that people can become perfect.  Only God is perfect but we are continually challenged to be changed into His image—to be like Him—and I’ve seen many people make dramatic adjustments toward His likeness.

I really don’t want you to worry about changing anyone else—you can’t.  The only person--and I mean the only person--you can change is yourself.  That won’t be easy, but it is possible.  Here are three things that are absolutely necessary for you to change.

First, you have to see your need to change.  No one will change if they don’t see any reason why they should.  Please don’t minimize this first point.  We are masters at self-deception and being able to see something in our lives that is wrong, bad, or even hurtful, is not all that easy.  I tend to compare myself to others and say, “I’m not as bad as them so I don’t need to change.”  The reasons we might not see our need to act or behave differently are so many that I think it would be pointless to make a list.  If you want to see your needy areas, give someone freedom to speak into your life and help you see where your attitudes, your actions, or maybe your reactions need to be altered. 

But there is a step deeper you must take if you are going to change—you have to want to change!  It’s not enough to just see where you need to be different; you have to have this gut level want to change.  I’m not sure exactly where the inner motivation comes from that leads to change, but in some ways, it begins with a decision.  Let’s be honest--all change begins with a choice I make to take a step forward and do things differently.

Each of us was made in the image of God, and though men argue over what that means in its entirety, almost all of us agree that it means we were made moral creatures with intellect, emotions and will.  My will is damaged by my sinful nature, it is affected by my emotions, and often misled by my imperfect reasoning; but as flawed as it might be, if I am to change I must be willing.

And that brings me to the third thing I need if I am to change.  I need help; I can’t change on my own.  Let me state clearly what is true for all of us.  Some things that need to change in my life, when I see them, I immediately want to change them and the pull against that change is very light.  It’s like me moving a light magnet with only a five-pound pull--it's easy and effortless.  But there are other things in my life that I see need to change, and I want them to be different, but the pull against that change is like a magnet with a 100 pound pull. I cannot move that magnet without the help of someone else and I cannot make that change in my life without assistance.


The Bible is pretty clear that my will is damaged by my sinfulness and if I'm going to make changes in those areas where the pull is 100 pounds, I need God's help.  I can't do it on my own.  I make no apology in telling you that apart from God's grace in setting us free, we'll not change.  Paul, one of the greatest followers of Jesus, spoke of his absolute inability to overcome sin and change on his own.  He stated, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate...For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want" (Romans 7:15, 20).  So if you want to change, you are going to need to ask God to help you.




But you are also going to need the help of a friend, someone to stand with you, to speak into your life.  I know the context is slightly different, but in Ecclesiastes 4:11-12 it says, "Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."  The author's point is that there is strength in someone fighting with us and for us.  James, the brother of Jesus, told us to confess our sins to one another that we might be healed.  I need to own up to my places of failure--the places I need to change--and I need to specifically and transparently let others in so they can help me change.


So let me ask you, do you know areas where you need to change?  I'll bet you do.  Are you truly willing to change?  The answer to that might not be as clear. Are you willing to admit that you need help?  If you are then seek Jesus' help and bring a friend in to walk with you.   You can change what needs to be changed--so can I. 

Be Devoted!

I remember as a newly minted Christian, one who was just beginning to follow Jesus, the Bible was such a cool book.  The more I read the more I learned and the more excited I became.  Today I know the Bible, though consisting of sixty-six different books, has a unified, consistent theme running all the way through it.  But back then, when I was seeing all that for the first time, my heart was enthralled in what I was learning.   Another thing I remember was how certain Bible verses just riveted themselves to my heart.  One such section of the Bible was the last verses of Acts chapter two.   The earliest of Christians had only recently experienced the coming of God's Spirit and He was changing everything in their lives!  They had gone from concealing themselves in a cowardly manner to bolding broadcasting their faith in Jesus, even at the peril of arrest and death.  But as a young Christ follower, the verse that impacted me so very much was forty-two where is says, "They were continually devoting themselves..."  Here's what God said to me way back then, "When you follow Jesus and the Holy Spirit is in your life, you can't help but passionately give yourself to follow Him."  You prioritize Jesus, His will, His Kingdom.  Those early Christians gave themselves with high energy and with all their hearts to what was important to Jesus.  

But just as impactful to me was what they were devoted to--what they were passionate about.  The Bible records several commitments to which they were devoted, the first being their weekly gathering where they were taught God's Word, worshipped with praise and prayer, and encouraged each other.   They were highly committed to this!  Unfortunately many who claim to follow Christ are not.  Did you know that one of the trends in the church today in 2016 is that people will be less and less committed to this weekly gathering?  Yet, God clearly says in His Bible, "Don't forsake gathering yourselves together as is the habit of some, but encourage one another; and all the more do so as you see the day drawing near" (Hebrews 10:24).  I was just beginning to follow Jesus when on the night before a Sunday I had to work really late and decided I'd just skip the next day's weekly gathering of believers.  I'll never forget a friend of mine knocking on my door when I didn't show up to carpool with him.  After I explained that I'd been up late and wasn't going, he left a bit dejected but as I lay back in bed God spoke to my heart and said, "I could devotedly lay down my life for you but you won't even prioritize my will for you?"  I got back up, got dressed and from that day I've devoted myself to the weekly gathering of Christ followers.

Another thing to which the early Christians passionately committed themselves was to love others, and that meant using their resources for the Kingdom of God and caring for others.   “All those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need.”  All my teen years were spent with visions of wealth and prosperity—I was going to make it big in the realm of money.  But just as their devotion changed, so did mine.  Money was no longer the focus of my life and even more happened to me—I began to see my money not as mine, but as His.  I began to see myself as a steward, not an owner.  Like these early Christians, I devoted myself to use my resources as God wanted me to and that meant helping others as I could.  I began to give a tenth of my resources directly to my immediate church family, but more than that, I saw the other ninety percent as His--I needed to use it as He directed.   This continues to be my devotion.

And one more area to which they devoted themselves: they zealously gave themselves to investing in each other’s lives.  Not only did they meet for their weekly gathering, it says they were meeting daily, “from house to house taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart.”  They understood something that I believe we westerners, born and raised in this individualistic culture, don’t often comprehend.  We weren’t created to do life by ourselves.  God made us for community.  He made us for Himself, He Himself being three persons, but He also made us for each other.  These early followers of Jesus were passionate about living their lives together with others—we have to be too.   It’s a choice that we make.  I’m not suggesting we go from nothing to every day but why not be devoted to a weekly home group gathering?  Why not choose to have folks over for a meal every week?  Why not devote yourself to pouring your life into others and letting them pour into you?

I don’t really think there is such a thing as low devotion and high devotion.  If you have low devotion to something, you simply aren’t devoted.  But assume with me that there is such a difference and let me ask you; does God have a low devotion for you or a high devotion?  The answer is obvious—His devotion for you is such that He died for you!  He will never leave you or forsake you.  He gave His all that you might be forgiven of your sins and set free from them and the hell that our sin deserves.  It puzzles me greatly—if you are a follower of Jesus, and you understand God’s great devotion and love for you, how can you respond to Him with such low devotion?  Why would we not all be like those New Testament Christians who were so filled with Holy Spirit-inspired devotion?

I bring this piece to a close with a call for you to follow Jesus with high devotion—or might I simply say, follow Him with devotion.  It’s a choice you make.  Devotion is not necessarily expressed apart from feelings, but it’s definitely not dependent on them.  What does that mean in specifics?  Be highly devoted to the weekly gathering.   Be highly devoted to caring for others.  Be highly devoted to doing life with other believers.